Weekend Update + What Makes Me Happy

Weekend Update:

Friday was rough. I'm not going to sugar coat it.  We'd had no sleep, the village had no power, and I had no patience.  It's days like those I realize that parenting is not for the weak of heart. 

Over the weekend we celebrated an anniversary. Not really a warm-your-heart anniversary, but an important one just the same.  Seven years ago Friday Josh was hit head on by a drunk driver. The collision totaled his car and sent him to the hospital where he had a grand mal seizure, losing the ability to drive and being forced to drop out of his classes at the local community college.  

We had only been married three years, and it was by far the most stressful thing we had been through. Friday we found ourselves feeling quite grateful that the accident was so far in our past, and Josh was alive and well.

Saturday I gave the boys haircuts & Josh took them to Saturday Social.  Their haircuts were much easier because only six weeks had passed since their last cut.  I'm hoping to keep up the every-six-weeks schedule because I just love how fresh & handsome they look.

Unfortunately, I think thanks to a lack of sleep, we're all getting a little sick.  Sore throats, runny noses and cranky kids.  It's making me grateful we were healthy for so long!  The plan for this week is lots of liquids and early bedtimes.

I was super excited this weekend because Josh put some new music on my Ipod.  A few weeks ago, I was wanting him to delete the music I didn't want on it, and somehow we lost all my music except for three albums. I had years of CD's, albums and favorite songs on there.  I am trying not to be completely heartbroken by the loss.  Replacing a few of them is definitely helping.

Sunday I got to sleep in, which was lovely.  As soon as I got up, though, I hit the ground running getting ready for another crazy week.  The boys and I cut apples so we could make apple muffins & apple cake; we did flash cards for their reading program; I cleaned the entire house, top to bottom; and I managed to cross a lot of things off my to do list so this week should be pretty manageable.

My small goals for the week are to go to bed by 9pm 

and remember to "slow down" for my peaceful parenting. 

Mostly I am ecstatic that this week has begun because tomorrow is BIGGEST LOSER!!! 

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What Makes Me Happy:

This sand!!!

It has entertained my boys for hours, leaves very little mess 

& is perfect for a hands on activity.

With the transition from summer to fall, I am loving my heating blanket {thanks mom!}

& my Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin hand soap and lotion {thanks Annie!}

And lastly, I am loving my Halloween decorations {thank Julie!}

They make our house festive, cozy & beautiful!

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And a little inspiration to leave you with:

"The beginning is always today."

-Mary Shelley

Ice Cream Renaissance

Back in July, for my dad's birthday, the boys and I went to the store and picked out a few things.

I picked out some candy & a movie.

They chose a SpongeBob card that sang.

This delighted them to no end!

We met my parents and my sister's family at our favorite local ice cream shop in Vancouver.

Ice Cream Renaissance

Six boys + ice cream= One rowdy party!

This sweet guy was my date since Josh couldn't make it.

The twins ordered completely different ice cream-- one had vanilla, the other chocolate.

Unbeknownst to me, they switched mid-dessert to try the other kind.

I don't know why, but this sweet tidbit warmed my little mommy heart.

Wyatt, at the time, was not an ice cream fan. 

So he had a chocolate cookie and a bowl of mini m&m's that he devoured.

It was a super fun way to celebrate my dad's birthday.

At the end we snapped this pic of my dad with all six of his grandsons.

They all adore their Papa Barry!!!

Three Years Ago Today...

October 5, 2010 

I found out I was pregnant with our third child,
and I was not happy about it.

I had been back at work for six weeks,
and I was not happy about it.

My boys were getting bigger with every passing day,
and I was not happy about it.

I had lost hope for a better future.
And with that hope had gone my happiness.

*

Four months of therapy, along with heavy journaling & prayer, healed my broken heart.  Signs of spring, little buds on the trees, more daylight, warmer evenings, all promised me that winter would be over soon.  Not just the physical winter, but my emotional winter.  The baby who started as a nausea-inducing intrusion on our family of four became a wiggling, hiccuping presence in my womb and I began to be able to picture him in our family.

I started to believe that maybe God did have a plan for my life.  

That maybe after the rain, there would be a rainbow.

April came, and with it my rainbow. 

Josh got a job and my status as stay-at-home mom was made permanent.  Two short months later, that amazing bundle arrived, and with him, hope. Hope for our family, hope for our future, and hope for better days to come.

*

I am now living those better days.  Thursday we got our first deposit from the state of Alaska for the Permanent Fund Dividend. $900 per person for everyone in our family.  We are on a plan to pay down credit card debt & get my student loan paid off.  Every month I dread paying bills, and then when I'm done I wonder why I dreaded it so much. I think it's a leftover emotion tied to years of being so broke.  

I understand now why people say you must experience unhappiness to truly appreciate happiness.  In looking back at those dark times in my past, I am able to appreciate more deeply where I am today.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Plans for hope and a good future."

-Jeremiah 29:11

Friday Playdates

When we were home this summer, we had Friday playdates every two weeks.  

The group was a hodgepodge of moms & grandma's ranging in age from 16 to 55.

Despite our large age range we gained so much from each other.  

The talking never stopped.

From birth stories to pregnancy cravings,

sleep schedules to shopping strategies,

we shared it all.

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We alternated houses, sharing toys & snacks and great conversation.

The kids would play, and us moms? 

We would talk.

In addition to twice monthly playdates, I spent two weeks of my summer living with other moms.

With Krista (who had four babies in three years) in Montana,

With my sister (who had two babies in two years) for a few days before we left, 

And with my sister-in-law (who also has three sons) camping for a few days.  

I think it is so good for momma's to be around other moms.  

My favorite conversations are ones about raising kids, 

about being a mom and about how other moms are doing it.

There is just something comforting in seeing another mom struggling with patience, surviving sleepless nights and suffering from mom guilt.  There is something heartwarming in seeing another mom  lose her patience, take a deep breath, and start her day over.  There is something internally pleasing in seeing another mom wipe a counter, wipe a spill and wipe a tear only to turn around and do all three over again with her other child.  

Being with other moms makes my everyday chaos seem normal.

It helps me realize no moms are perfect, 

but the good ones keep trying.

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Books Post

I accidentally published my Books Books Books post on the 1st, 

and now that I'm actually ready to share it with you all, 

it's not showing up in the feed. Rude!

Be sure to check it out!

Books, Books, Books

Brand New Ending

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start

anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."

-Carl Bard

As you know, I have been working on not yelling with the boys.  This being a new venture means that I have had my share of tough days in the past.  But my goal is to not focus on those, but focus on the new ending I can create from here forward.

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I got that amazing quote from Alissa's post Stop a Mama Tantrum.

If you, too, struggle with yelling, I recommend reading it.  

So not yelling has been going well. 

It is challenging. 

Boy, is it challenging.  

But I am determined to stick with it and make the change.

I am about two thirds through the book

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham

and wanted to share some of what I'm learning with you.

Most importantly, this book has given me permission to love my kids instead of hardening my heart toward them.  In the past I truly believed that a good parent was a strict parent. Someone who was in control of their offspring at all times.  But that dictatorship came at a price.

Our connection.

Punishment requires us to harden our heart to our children and abandon them emotionally when they need us most.  So instead the book advocates gentle guidance (reminding them of the rules & offering the opportunity to try again) and connecting with your child (hugging, holding, snuggling) when they are acting out.

If abandoning punishment altogether seems extreme, consider that obviously punishment doesn't work to stop misbehavior or we wouldn't have to continue punishing.

Talk about a "lightbulb" moment!

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I have forgone timeouts and other punishments for the time being, and now work with:

1. Removing them from negative situations 

(giving them their own space to play or moving them to a new activity), 

2. Talking through solutions

3. Hugging them through overwhelming emotions 

4. Allowing natural consequences to occur

The biggest change so far is letting go of our stoplight alarm clock.  It was the one thing I couldn't find a way to integrate with our new parenting.  As of Monday morning we aren't using it at all. When the boys wake up, we just ask that they be extra quiet so as to not wake the others.  Each night at bedtime we go over why sleep is important.  For growing, healing, focus & happiness.  They seem to be grasping it.

So far, they twins have been up at 5:30am everyday. But I am hopeful that it will get later.  I will tell you, not having to start my day off doling out consequences for waking too early is such a relief!  We greet each other with hugs and they do quiet activities until my quiet morning routine is done.  It's the best thing I've done for us in a long time.

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"Make it through today with as few hurt feelings as possible."

-Alissa Marquess

Since this is my goal, the most important thing I have to remember is to shut my mouth.  When I know I am mad, often beyond what is reasonable, I make myself close.my.mouth.  It is difficult to do, but I know if I let myself go, I will hurt our bond, their feelings, and my progress.

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And finally, I have been telling myself "at least".  This little gem is the brain child of the Orange Rhino (see entire post here) and has kept me from losing it more times than I can count.

Jack spills his water all over the floor? At least it's not orange juice.

Kids aren't doing what I asked? At least no one's around to witness it.

Wyatt's throwing a giant tantrum? At least it's not outside in the mud.

And perhaps most importantly,

I lose my temper? At least I am trying.

I know my trying is working because when I randomly asked Logan Sunday what his favorite thing is that I do, he said, "Giving me another chance."  I thought he would answer with talk of playtimes, going outside or baking yummy treats. I did not expect that his favorite thing would be that I let him try again to get it right.  How impactful is that?

"You want  your child to follow your guidance because he loves you and would never want to disappoint you, not because you scare him."

-Dr. Laura Markham

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Fantastic No-Yelling Resources:

• www.ahaparenting.com
• www.creativewithkids.com
• www.theorangerhino.com

Books Books Books

"I cannot live without books."

-Thomas Jefferson

"I feel happy & secure when I'm in my bed with a good book...

I forget everything which is terrible in our world."

-Francoise Hardy

"Books, like friends, should be few & well chosen.

...We should return to them again & again,

for like true friends, they will never fail us."

-Charles Caleb Colton

"The love of learning,

the sequestered nooks,

and all the sweet serenity of books."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Some books are to be tested,

others to be swallowed,

and some few to be chewed & digested."

-Francis Bacon

"There are three schoolmasters for everybody that will employ them--

the senses, intelligent companions, and books."

-Henry Ward Beecher

"Finishing a good book

is like leaving a good friend."

-William Feather

 "The best books are those that tell you what you already know."

-George Orwell

"Read the best books first,

or you may not have a chance to read them at all."

-Henry David Thoreau

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."

-Marcus Tillius Cicero

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I didn't realize until I got here just how many books I had collected.  Many of these were sent by friends & followers, others were gathered over the summer in hopes that they would bring me cheer during the long, dark months here in Alaska.  

Today the sunrise wasn't until 9:01am.  Our high for the day is 37 degrees.  Those long, dark days are here.  So yesterday morning I gathered all my books up for a quick photo shoot.  I cannot tell you the happiness they brought me, sitting together in the sunlight smiling at me.

In addition to these books, and the future joy they hold, I am also excited about reading this week because I was invited by a friend to join her online book club. I have never been in a book club before, and I am very excited about it!

"Books are the bees which carry the quickening pollen from one to another mind."

-James Russell Lowell

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Care Packages

Yesterday Josh brought home a stack of four (count 'em FOUR) flat rate boxes.

It felt like Christmas!

 My amazingly generous friend Kristina sent us two more boxes of apples from her orchard.

Why hello apple muffins, apple cake & a million delicious apple-snacks!

I will also be sharing with our friends here who LOVED the apples I shared last time.

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 My friend Kari sent me two boxes as well.

{I love her handwriting!}

 One box was entirely full of Scentsy.  Huge bricks, small bricks... even some room spray!  And the scents are divine!!! My favorite so far is the pumpkin marshmallow.  What a delicious fall scent!

One of the things I find brings me the simplest happiness is having a house that smells good.  Scentsy can put a smile on my face no matter what the day brings. It was literally like Kari sent me a box of smiles!

 Her other box was just as full of treats.  Including beef jerky for Josh, a HUGE assortment of candy & treats for me (York peppermint patties, Ghiradelli chocolates, Halloween Cadbury's, a Whitman chocolate sampler, Dark Chocolate Acai), a Halloween treat bag for each of my boys, a Reese's dessert pack for date night, a pack of sand for the kids to play with and a two-pack of Nutella!

I kept gasping as I pulled surprise after surprise out of the box.  Once the boys were down I gorged ate a sampling of treats while watching Long Island Medium (a secret guilty pleasure) last night.  Everything was so delicious. I especially loved the Dark Chocolate Acai with Blueberry.

Girls, I can't thank you enough for your thoughtfulness that will bring happiness for weeks to come as we eat the delicious treats and enjoy the delicious scents.  

I am so blessed to have friends like you!!!

October Goals

My October Goals seem a bit overwhelming from the looks of it...

but really they boil down to two things:
Good Parenting & Good Self Care

Both are really important for a happy, balanced life.

Good Parenting:

-One Fun Thing
Each day I want to do something simple that is super fun for the kids.  Such as washing dishes in the sink, a "fun" bath (no washing, only playing) or a game of Uno.
-No Yelling
I now have four 100% successful No Yelling days under my belt.  Even on days where I lose my cool I I am able to regain composure & handle the chaos that three boys in three years throws at a person.  I am hoping for at least twelve 100% days in October.
-5 minutes
I want to spend five minutes of quality time with each boy everyday.  Fostering our connection is one of the ways I have been successful in not yelling.
-Half a Dozen Hugs
Peaceful Parent suggests that our children need at least twelve hugs a day for emotional growth.  So I'm going to work my way up to that number!

Good self care:

-9pm Bedtime
In order to be a nice mommy, I have to get enough sleep. 
-Have Daily "Me" Time
Wake up early before the kids & journal everyday.
-Be Kind to Myself
Be less hard on myself about: the house, the kids, my husband, my blogging, homeschooling...  And stop expecting perfection!
-Talk Back to Negative Thoughts
There are thoughts that circle like vultures in my head, crowding out any good, productive or creative thoughts, and while I am working to keep ahead of my anxiety, I found three hot thoughts in particular that were getting me down. So I spent some time journaling to figure out just what I could say to myself when I started to fret about them.

• When thoughts circle about our finances- "it's just money!"
• When thoughts circle about my parenting-  "I choose love"
• When thoughts circle about the house-   "there'll be time for that later"

-Have Some Fun
This month that means working on the scrapbooks I started last school year for the boys.  I am so excited to dig in and relive all our best memories!

What plans or goals do you have for October?

I'd love to hear them!