So, I have been feeling pretty bad about myself lately. In fact, as I type this, I am crying. (That could be from a lack of sleep, in addition to my issues...) I feel like I am not good enough most of the time. My house is so dirty. Really, you should see my toilet. I never make dinner anymore, so we have gained so much weight since the boys were born cause all we eat is junk. Because of this Josh's doctor thinks he may have diabetes. It used to be my job to take care of him, and now I can hardly take care of the boys, let alone Josh or myself. I feel like I often am so busy doing chores that I don't even spend time with the boys. And I hate that, but it has to get done sometime. And I feel so fat. Out of shape. Ugly. I have zits everywhere from the lack of sleep, stress & bad eating habits.
Then I read a story (in last weeks People) about this mom who died 27 hours after her daughter was born from a blood clot that went into her lung. 27 hours was all she had with her beautiful little girl.
Then I heard another story about a boy adopted from China who spent three years lying on his back without any physical stimulation because he had a cleft palate and the orphanage workers thought he had the mark of the devil.
And then I can't believe myself. And am so thankful that the Lord places these reminders in my path. That all is well. And that He is in control. I am blessed by these reality checks.
-No one cares how dirty my toilet is. Or my shower, or my bookshelves.
-Josh is a grown man who can take care of himself. And who will also take care of me, if I will just let him.
-I devote plenty of time to my boys. They are happy, healthy & well cared for always. Chores are chores & sometimes they have to get done.
-And lastly, I spent the better part of last year growing TWO human beings INSIDE OF ME. The last 13 weeks on a 10 grams of fat or less per day diet. And I kept them in there for 37 weeks. Then, 8 weeks after my c-section, I had my gallbladder removed.
I think maybe I could cut myself a little slack.
I love my husband, heart & soul, and he knows it. I love my children, I cherish their existence & know that I am blessed to have a healthy family. So even if I am not perfect most days, from now on, I am going to enjoy the moment, know that I am doing the best that I can and try not to worry about the ten pounds (mostly from onion rings & pizza) that have made a cozy home under my stretch-mark covered belly.
I am now going to crawl into my warm bed, next to my best friend & dream of all the fun I am going to have tomorrow playing with my boys & avoiding chores!
Then I heard another story about a boy adopted from China who spent three years lying on his back without any physical stimulation because he had a cleft palate and the orphanage workers thought he had the mark of the devil.
And then I can't believe myself. And am so thankful that the Lord places these reminders in my path. That all is well. And that He is in control. I am blessed by these reality checks.
-No one cares how dirty my toilet is. Or my shower, or my bookshelves.
-Josh is a grown man who can take care of himself. And who will also take care of me, if I will just let him.
-I devote plenty of time to my boys. They are happy, healthy & well cared for always. Chores are chores & sometimes they have to get done.
-And lastly, I spent the better part of last year growing TWO human beings INSIDE OF ME. The last 13 weeks on a 10 grams of fat or less per day diet. And I kept them in there for 37 weeks. Then, 8 weeks after my c-section, I had my gallbladder removed.
I think maybe I could cut myself a little slack.
I love my husband, heart & soul, and he knows it. I love my children, I cherish their existence & know that I am blessed to have a healthy family. So even if I am not perfect most days, from now on, I am going to enjoy the moment, know that I am doing the best that I can and try not to worry about the ten pounds (mostly from onion rings & pizza) that have made a cozy home under my stretch-mark covered belly.
I am now going to crawl into my warm bed, next to my best friend & dream of all the fun I am going to have tomorrow playing with my boys & avoiding chores!
6 comments:
Oh honey!
I feel the same. I constantly worry about cleaning & keeping up with chores. Sometimes I have to let it go and play with my son Gustav. It's hard.
Out of blue.....
I can't wait for summer time and sunny weather! I am looking forward to it. :) :)
Well, if it makes you feel any better, you are pretty much my idol for being such a super mom of twin boys!
Your house is supposed to be messy all the time when you have twins- right??? I know mine is so far :)
Oh, I haven't taken off the necklace since you've given it to me- I love it!
I was just thinking about you the other day thinking how in the world does she do it!?!?! I feel the same way some days with my two boys. Thank goodness they are 2 years apart. You are an amazing person and the only person I would say could handle it all. You are doing it! Everyday that goes by you did it. I think you are so great with your boys. We all know how hard one baby is...well I hope I'm not the only one who thinks so. I find my self wishing I signed with my boys more. I love you and God knows who you are and what you can handle.
This made me tear up Shelly! I was having such a hard day & was in tears earlier. Carter has been a real stinker the past few weeks & I feel like I fail on most days to do anything with the house- the kids- & for myself. I sat down & opened up my google reader and there was this post from you.
You are an amazing person & amazing mom! No one ever said motherhood was going to be easy. I just know that God made us the mothers of our children for a reason & we are truly blessed by him. Keep taking it one day at a time! & keep praying!
¡besos!
I think God did put those stories in your path for a reason, and I'm glad you realize it! The time with your baby boys is so precious, better than any house-cleaning or diet!
Maybe you should hang up a good quote in your house to remind yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed to take it easy!
I know you and I know you are often hard on yourself. Sometimes it's good and pushes you, but I'm glad you're realizing to be nicer to yourself!
Also: You're a working mom!!! You work 5 days a week!! We'd all think you were crazy if you weren't spending any spare second with your boys! Also, I can come help you organize or dust any time! Really. Or how about in stead of offering, next time I'm there I will just DO IT for you!
You really are an AMAZING mother. Really, truly. You're boys have their every need met and THEN SOME! And now it's time to make sure YOUR every need is met! A happy-taken-care-of mommy is a good thing!
So in all- cut yourself some slack, delegate to others, and keep ENJOYING your family! I love you!!!!
Shelly, you are such a good mommy. Don't fall into the would'a, could'a, should'a trap. If the world ended today, no one would say that you were a great person because you kept your toilet clean, but they would say what a great assest to human kind this young women was, a teacher to children with difficulties, a wonderful daughter and wife, and a super mommy to two beautify happy, healthy, triving little boys.
Cut yourself some slack, you are wonderful.
And last but not least, never be too proud to ask for help. You have my number, call me anytime, I'm just a short drive away. I love you.
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