Today the boys are 38 weeks. That means they have been on the earth longer than they were inside me. I often look back into my pregnancy journal to see what I was up to & feeling this same time last year.
I was 23 weeks pregnant & the news of twins was settling into our brains. I no longer woke up in the middle of the night thinking, "Two?!?!" We had returned our single crib in exchange for two cheaper, smaller cribs that would better suit the needs of two infants. I could finally feel the boys moving around inside my ever expanding belly & it comforted me everyday to monitor their movements & know that they were alive & kicking... literally!If I peek ahead to next week things began to go downhill quick. I had my first gallbladder attack & was restricted to 10 grams of fat or less a day. Nutrition for the boys was in the forefront of my mind & I constantly obsessed over eating enough dairy, protein, fruits & vegetables. What I mostly remember eating are pretzels. They were fat free, so I could eat as many as I pleased.
Doctors were concerned that if the attacks continued, the stress would send me into pre-term labor. 24 weeks is the age a viability. They would have had a 50/50 chance. Very scary. We did lots of praying during this time.
It is so amazing (and such a blessing) for me to be able to look back at what I accomplished. To look at how I felt, the concerns I had, and the way that God took care of every detail.
Somehow, even with only ten grams of fat a day, He grew two beautiful, healthy boys in my belly. Somehow, even when I felt that the contractions would never subside, He got me through to 37 weeks gestation. Somehow, though I feared surgery, He helped me accept the c-section as the best choice for myself & my unborn children. His hand was in it all. Every night, before I crawl into my own bed, I sneak once more into the nursery. I put my hand on Jack's tummy as it moves ever so surely up and down and whisper a prayer, "Lord Jesus, watch over Jack tonight & keep him safe and healthy. Please wake me up if he needs me. Thank you so much for the blessing that he is in my life." Then I walk over to Logan's crib, place my hand on his back and pray, "Lord Jesus, Please keep Logan safe & healthy tonight. Wake me up if he needs me and thank you for the amazing blessing that he is in my life. Amen."
Then, and only then, am I able to go to sleep with my babies in that room all by themselves. I just picture God's hands wrapped around them both as they sleep. Night time is the most precious time with them. It's the time when I can take a minute to breathe & appreciate them & the miracle that they are. I love it.
