What's on your... heart

I woke up this morning with a migraine. Waking up with a migraine, no matter who you may be, sucks.  Waking up with a migraine and three little boys in the house, really sucks!

I suffered for nearly two hours before I finally gave in, accepted that I had a headache, and took a pill.  I take Sumatriptan, which is amazing. I feel crappy for an hour while it starts to work, and I feel a little odd in my nose and throat (like there are 7Up bubbles in them) for the rest of the day. But that is much preferred to the axe-in-my-skull feeling of the migraine.

Yesterday and today I woke up early.  I climbed out of my bed and traveled silently down the stairs to the dark, quiet of the living room.  I sat in Josh's recliner, writing in my journal and soaking in the peace.

Waking early is part of my plan to continue not emotional eating.  I have been successful for over two weeks now.  This is an amazing fete considering I used to emotionally binge three or four times a day.

I read (for maybe the fourth time) Women Food & God, and this time, it spoke to me like never before. I think I was finally ready to hear what Geneen (the author) had to say.  I read and journaled and prayed and did lots of hard emotional work to reach a place where I was ready to face the feelings instead of eating them.

It hasn't been easy, and this morning when I woke up with that headache and a heavy heart, it was difficult not to eat those milk chocolate chip cookies that are in my cookie jar.  But I have learned that those cookies won't hug me. They won't make me feel full. They will just put off feeling empty.

So I dove right into those emotions I was feeling, listened to a sad song, and cried.

Then the most amazing thing happened.

I felt better.

That was it. It was that easy. I listened to a sad song when I was sad, I let myself cry and say "this sucks!" and for the rest of the day, I have felt loads lighter.

My to-do list felt doable instead of overwhelming.
Disciplining the kids felt calm instead of disheartening.
I also felt proud of myself because it would have been easier to eat the cookies.

The right thing isn't always the easy thing.

That sad song I listened to?

This one, recommended by my friend Kristina.

So your life feels like it don't make sense...

And you think to yourself, "I'm a good person."

So why do these things keep happening?

Why you gotta deal with them?

You may be knocked down now,
but don't forget what He said, He said,

I won't give you more, more than you can take,

and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break.

And know, I'll never ever let you go.

Don't you forget what He said.

Who you are ain't what you're going through,

So don't let it get the best of you.

Cause God knows everything you need,

So you ain't gotta worry.

I am going through some emotional stuff right now, and those lyrics spoke right to my heart.

The good news?  Things are getting easier.  My boys are all sleeping through the night.
7pm until 6:30am, I am kid-free, and it's glorious.

Also?  We are all set for next year. Groceries ordered, principal and assistant principal secured, masters program paperwork accounted for... It's gonna be a good one.

And in the meantime, the countdown is on.

22 days until we leave Marshall.

And 25 days until I wrap my arms around my loved ones at the airport in Portland!

As I said in my last post, we've been playing out. And it's been awesome!  We have accompanied Martin & Konnie (Martin's the assistant principal up here, Konnie is his lovely wife) to the airport a few times. The boys love a good adventure, and riding with Martin assures them that!

They are different kids when they are out of doors.

It's been especially fun watching Wyatt.

He's really starting to develop his own personality.
He has this little strut he does when we're outside, like he thinks he's just the coolest.

At home, he performs his strut while carrying around his mini children's vitamin bottle.
I ordered them for him on Amazon, and they arrived last week.
Chewing a vitamin with breakfast makes him think he's a big boy.

He is also talking up a storm, with lots of new sentences everyday.
"I'm stuck here, mom!"
"I want some more, mom!"
"I'm okay"- when he falls.
"I hold it!"- when I am trying to feed him with a fork.

And with his brothers he will shout,
"My turn!"
"It's my day!"
(We rotate whose "day" it is. So far, only Logan & Jack are in the rotation.  Apparently I will be soon adding a third brother!  Whoever's day it is gets to sit by Josh at lunch, choose what we watch on TV and do other special things throughout the day.)

The big boys have also been saying cute things lately.

When Logan is walking into the bathroom he will say,
"See you in eight."

And he'll tell me,
"I have no clue what he's talking about," 
if Jack's saying something he doesn't know about.

He often says, "actually" and "of course"
and the other day when he got a new pencil sharpener,
he  told me he was just "testing it out."

Jack is also adorable.
He says scissors "zizzors", which I love;

and two nights ago during bedtime prayer, his went something like this:
Dear God,
Thank you for our warm, cozy house.
Thank you for keeping us safe.
Thank you for Wyatt.
Thank you for playing outside.
Thank you for daddy executing the moose.
In Jesus Name, 
Amen.

Where do they come up with this stuff???
---

I am going to add to this completely random post something that
Tabitha over at Team Studer did earlier this week.

It's called
What's on Your...

Vanity
I don't have a vanity here in Marshall,
but on the top of our dresser is the Tiffany lamp Josh bought me for Christmas in 2000
a humidifier
a Target candle holder
a picture of Logan's feet at one week old
and a picture of Josh from our second year of dating

Perennial To Do List
Organize all closets, shelves, nooks & crannies
Create packing/travel lists
Catch up the boys' scrapbooks
Figure out Mothers' Day gifts
Find math worksheets for the twins
Print Wyatt's immunization list
Type up a "Dinner" list to make the weekly menu easier
Continue blogging Summer Fun Series

Refrigerator Shelves
Meatloaf leftovers
Eggs
Amoxicillan
Powdered Milk in a HUGE pitcher
Instant Coffee

Itinerary
Date Night at 7pm tonight
-Avatar & Pizza!
Hike at Mt. Pilcher this weekend
Pay bills on Tuesday

Fantasy Itinerary
Throw the kids on a 207 Saturday morning,
arrive in Washington Saturday afternoon!

If only!

Playlist
Sugarland: Enjoy the Ride
JJ Heller: Painted Red
Keith Urban: Be Here

Nightstand
Large reading lamp
Picture of Wyatt from Anchorage 2011
You Are My Sunshine 
When Skies are Grey
{print from my mom}
Journal
Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks
Heating blanket control
Bedside table basket:
lotion, chapstick, pens, sleep mask

Workout Plan
Whenever possible,
Go Outside!

Phone
Texts from my sister, Julie, my mom & Josh
Emergency phone numbers
Timeout timer

Top 5 List
Family Dinners
Bedtime prayers
Rocking Wyatt to sleep at night
Reading new blog posts in the mornings
Goodbye kisses from Josh

Bucket List
Yellowstone
Nantucket
Alaskan Cruise
Mowing a lawn

Mind
Home, home, home
All the fun we're going to have this summer in Washington.
Camping, driving, eating out.
Laughing, swimming, hiking.

Also saying goodbye to Susan.

And how I am 90% sure we are done having kids.
eek.

Blogroll
My sister's blog
Nienie
My friend Kori
Enjoying the Small Things
Barefoot in the Kitchen

Walls of Your Favorite Room in Your House
My favorite room is our bedroom.
We have:
Birch tree art
Our wedding photo
Homecoming 2000 photo
Art piece Julie made me that says,
I Could Not Ask For More
& has pictures of Josh, Logan, Jack & Wyatt separately

Liquor Shelf
Dry village

Last Credit Card Statement
Airline tickets!!!
Birthday invitations
Lands End bathing suit
Amazon- groceries & toiletries
Croc boots for the twins
ProActiv monthly refill

Screensaver
Wyatt-bo-byatt!

TV Every Night
Family Guy for Josh + The Office for me = lots of laughing!

Thanks for sharing that, Tabitha.
Such fun!
---

 The last few days Josh and I must say up to ten times a day how much we love this little boy.
He's really coming into his own, and it's so fun to witness.

He has his own little agenda, and is such a lover.
Hugs & kisses & snuggles abound.

The great thing about having kids,

 especially cooky, crazy, funny ones like I have,

is that they are excellent at pulling you back into the present,
which is exactly what I've been needing the last few days.

When I get all wrapped up in my own mind, my own to-do lists and my own agenda,
they gently tug (or violently PULL) me back into right now.

And I'm so grateful.