Pneumonia...

I had been feeling a tightness in my chest for a few days, when suddenly on Sunday I felt like I couldn't breathe.  It was so bad we called the emergency on-call number for the health aide at the clinic.  Leah came over to watch the kids and the health aid met us there once the boys were down.  He took my vitals, noting that my oxygen was only 94, and listened to my lungs, which were crackling, and confirmed that I had pneumonia. 

I couldn't believe it. I had thought maybe bronchitis, or even just my anxiety making me think I couldn't breathe. I never in a million years thought I had pneumonia.

I did a nebulizer treatment there and the doctor who called back said to send me home with an inhaler. She wasn't wanting to do antibiotics yet because I didn't have a fever and I wasn't coughing up mucus.  So we came home and I took two puffs every four hours.  That sounds pretty easy, right?

Well... when the albuterol from the inhaler makes you feel like you are having a panic attack, it's not so easy. It makes my heart race, my arms shake, my thoughts race. It's terrible. For an hour and a half after taking it, I have to keep reminding myself that I am fine, it's just the medicine making me think I'm freaking out.  

Josh stayed home Monday, and I was alright. I went in to be checked again, and my oxygen was up to 97 and my lungs sounded better.  Josh also stayed home Tuesday, but he had to go in to make lesson plans. I was so freaking out Tuesday morning (feeling that I couldn't breathe, that I was getting worse, that I was going to pass out or die) that I called my dear sweet friend Leah to come be with me while Josh was gone. She came and Josh went, and I managed to not pass out.

When Josh got home we started making plans for me to visit Anchorage. Flying out, leaving the boys... it terrifies me. But feeling like this, constantly being afraid for my life, having the anxiety run my days, and not having access to good mental health care out here, made me feel that flying out was my best option.

My mom agreed to meet me there, in Anchorage, and take me to my appointments (a Godsend), but when we went to book airline tickets, there were no flights today or tomorrow.  I had been given (on my third trip to the clinic) a Rx for an antibiotic, so our thinking is that we will keep up with that and see how I do. If I am still a wreck in a few days, I can fly out. But if not, I will try to wait to fly out until during winter break to see a counselor in Anchorage who can then do phone/skype sessions with me as needed when I am back in Marshall.

So that's where I'm at. Crackly lungs (which sounded worse today) but a better oxygen reading (at 99), burning chest, sore throat, severe cough, stuffy nose/sinuses, sore face, and plugged ears.  I would like to just fast forward through the next few days and be well again so Josh can go to work, and I can take care of our kids.  Thank God for Josh.  He has been awesome, and I'm so grateful.

When I come to mind the next few days,
please lift up a quick prayer on my behalf.
Prayers for peace, for healing, for faith.
I would so appreciate it.