around here: week 10 2020

Enjoying... our last morning in Cannon Beach.  We had delicious breakfast on Day Two, then packed up & headed home to our crew.

Driving... home in under six hours, which felt miraculous.  Also, the drive felt super fast, which was unexpected.  It's crazy how much less stressful driving long distances is without children. I realize as I write that it sounds really stupid (duh! Traveling without kids is easy!) but I haven't traveled without kids for a long time, and I forgot that it can kind of be enjoyable.  Hah!

Getting... some great hugs when we arrived home Sunday.  Carly especially was overjoyed to see us.

Prepping... for Monday and the week ahead by cleaning house and unpacking from our trip.

Dealing.... with unhappy children come Monday morning and enduring a never ending eye twitch as the week progressed.  Really missing the beach...

Taking... Carly to her four year appointment and getting her vaccines (she was due for two) and then taking Logan to his neurologist appointment in Spokane on Tuesday.  I was crazy-nervous to go to Spokane and meet with his neurologist because Spokane is where they are housing some of the people with Coronavirus (in an isolation unit) at the same hospital where he sees his specialist.
I was able to overcome my anxiety about it, though, knowing that the few cases present were in isolation and that we needed to meet with her to discuss his medication levels (we are going to lower them a little to bring them to a safer level) and they wouldn't have us come if it weren't safe.
On the drive home we stopped at Love's (a huge truck stop) for a potty break and Carly fell in love with a huge bubba (what my kids call stuffed animals) and I, being a pushover, bought it for her. ;) She was so brave for her shots, and was such a good girl during Logan's appointment, I couldn't say no. She named her "Kiki" and is in love.

Wanting... to just BE lately.  So much so that on the drive home from Spokane, I didn't even listen to a story like I usually do.  I just drove and thought and prayed, and enjoyed the peaceful feeling of Carly sleeping in the back seat.

Worrying... over many things and feeling that it's the whole "straw that broke the camel's back" situation.  No one thing is HUGE and overwhelming, but all the things together feels like a LOT.  I'm worrying about sleep, finances, the kids' anxiety, my own rising anxiety, some extended family situations I can't go into, Coronavirus, having no stockpile and how we are so woefully unprepared.

Stocking up... with Jack's help after school one evening.  I feel so much better now that I know we have some food in our cupboards & pantry.  It's not perfect, but it's something.

Letting... Wyatt attend a mid-week birthday party for a classmate at the bowling alley.  He had SO much fun and even won a light up yo-yo and a real Lava Lamp!  Josh used to have a Lava Lamp collection. They were his favorite.

Changing... days for Carly to go with Grandma from Thursday to Tuesday since she's heading out of town, and taking a much needed nap.  I know that whenever my anxiety is rising, the best thing I can do for myself is sleep.  That feels counterintuitive, as crossing things off my to-do list seems like it would be more anxiety-reducing, but years of experience have taught me that if I am well rested, I am better able to talk myself down, which is a huge part of keeping my panic at bay.

Reading... I am I am I am on audio, Miramar Bay for book club and starting Red, White & Royal Blue from Book of the Month. I am I am I am was a fun listen, and reminded me of all the ways our lives are miracles. I especially related to her miscarriages.  Miramar Bay was a fine story, but the characters weren't super well developed and the story line didn't hold my interest. Just an "okay" story for me.  I am only a few pages into Red, White & Royal Blue, so I will have to report back!

Attending... book club Tuesday night, which was lovely, as always. I adore those ladies so much.  Unfortunately for me, the book was "meh"... but that's alright.

Washing... load after load of laundry, and thinking I'm going to join a few of my friends who have been keeping track of how many loads they do every month in April. I truly have no idea, I just know I always have some going and it.never.ends. I wonder if it's 40? 60?

Watching... Babies on Netflix and legit taking notes like the absolute nerd I am.  So much fascinating research being done on hormones and breastmilk and bonding and brains... I think every parent should watch it!

Laughing... as Carly continually sings "Old Town Road" while mounting the couch, table or her siblings and pretending they're all horses. She's so hilarious.

Sending... the twins off to Vancouver to see my parents while Josh picks up his new car with his brother this weekend.  The four of them took off Friday afternoon and I took Carly & Wyatt to Lego time at the library.  They had a blast. 

Making... homemade play dough on Saturday and hosting a sleepover in my bed (I actually ended up sleeping in Carly's bed #momlife) after movie night.  The kids loved it.  We rented two movies for the weekend since it was just the three of us.  We watched Frozen II and Playing with Fire. The kids enjoyed both.  I was also thrilled this weekend to find colored chalk for $1 at Dollar Tree for Carly's chalk board! So fun!

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around here :: week 2 2020

Enjoying... taco salad as a change for date night with Josh on Friday after the kids were in bed. It took me back to our date nights in Alaska when we would sometimes have that.  We both look back so lovingly on our time there.  It almost feels as if it were a dream. (Don't worry, I also remember that they rarely had eggs or sour cream at the co-op and that we thought "good weather" was when it was above zero and not windy. Hah!)

Blessed... with a day all to myself on Saturday when Josh took the kids to the park, out to lunch, and then to his parent's house.  That was on top of letting me sleep in until 11:30.  I honestly can't remember the last time I slept until 11:30am.  I'm certain it was before children. (So, circa 2006 or 2007) I am trying so hard to get over this cold, though, that I slept like the dead and could tell I so needed that rest!
During my day off I did a ton of reading for book club on Tuesday (we are reading A Severe Mercy) and a ton of laundry (so.many.loads!). 
Honestly, though, no matter what I was doing, I just soaked up the silence. There is nothing like the quiet of an empty house to bring my soul back to equilibrium.

Getting... the twins caught up on missing work from when they were sick before Christmas break as we prepared to head back to school Monday.  We also cleaned the house and the kids even vacuumed out my van, so we all felt totally ready to jump back into our routine by Sunday evening. 

Reading... A Severe Mercy and If Only I Could Tell You, and listening to Find the Good on audio.  I love break because it means I can spend a whole heck of a lot of time just sitting around reading.  And that's my favorite.
If Only I Could Tell You has been a real page turner and I've been surprised a few times already!  Find the Good is a feel good listen, and goes right along with my phrase for the new year ("See the good") and is really uplifting.
I also read this by Anne Lamott (or you can watch the video) and feeling really inspired by it. Especially this part:
"If you don't know where to start, remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours, and you get to tell it. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
You're going to feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart: your stories, memories, visions and songs -- your truth, your version of things -- in your own voice. That's really all you have to offer us, and that's also why you were born." Gah! It's just SO good!!!
{Thanks for sharing this with me, Debbie.  I needed to hear it.}  

Loving... the new football game the boys are playing on the trampoline. It is keeping them outside for hours, with very little fighting, which is unheard of.  I also love how when they are on the trampoline, Grady lays in the grass in front of it like a guard dog.  Even Carly has gotten out there with them a few times.

Understanding... that having a little sister is HARD sometimes.  Wyatt worked so diligently on two of his wooden puzzles, then left them unattended and Carly took them apart. He was so heartbroken and angry.  I encouraged him to try again, and to forgive her, but he was mad for quite some time.  #siblinglife

Enduring... a surprise withdrawal from our bank account that we thought wasn't due until February (because it said it wasn't due until February) and taking a deep breath while trying to regroup.  While we're getting our feet under us without falling back on credit cards, every little bill or unexpected expense has the ability to throw us off. 
I'm stretching our groceries a bit further to balance out the unexpected expense by making homemade bread (for making french toast for dinner one night this week & to eat with breakfast) and homemade tortillas (for tacos and quesadillas) and being as creative as possible with what is still in our pantry.  I am grateful for our time in Alaska during times like these because I got really good at working with what was in the pantry and cooking from scratch when needed. 

Sending... the kids back to school and making our new favorite family dinner Monday night.  We had meatloaf, made in my square muffin pan tin with little bacon strips on each tiny meatloaf along with corn, mashed potatoes and gravy.  Every one of the four kids ate everything on their plate. It felt like a back-to-school/New Year miracle! So yummy, we may just have it every week!

Watching... Season 3 of Anne with an E and wishing it would go on forever.

Comforting... Carly during her night time growing pains.  She has been waking up the past week in tears over the pain she has in her legs.  One night even her arms and her feet hurt.  When I'm in there, I rub them and rock her back to sleep after giving her some pain meds.  I try not to worry and think it's anything other than growing pains, but it's hard not to worry when your kid wakes from a dead sleep sobbing like Carly has been. The boys never did this at this age.

Frustrated... with Grady who ate one of Carly's {favorite} puppy dog toys, Skye, and one of my slippers while I wasn't paying attention the other day.  For the most part he is such a good dog, but if he gets bored, or we leave things on the floor (especially shoes!) he tends to get a little "chewy". sigh. Carly cried HYSTERICALLY when I showed her what he had done. I felt so bad, but I knew I had to show her.  She would wonder where Skye had gone, and she has to learn not to leave her toys on the floor. Poor girl.  Later, though, she hugged him and said, "I forgive you, Grady. I forgive you, boy."

Thankful... that the cats are coming downstairs more and more and seem to be adjusting to Grady's presence here.  He's only been here a month, so I'm still holding out hope that someday I will find him and Ramona or George curled up in a nap together on the couch. #bigdreams

Smiling... when I saw the message that Logan and Wyatt had put up using Carly's bath tub alphabet in their shower. "Love You Mom & Dad" Those boys can sure be sweet when they want to be.

Attending... our first book club meeting of the year and loving the opportunity to discuss A Severe Mercy, which was a great romantic book about grief, and also the meeting where we chose our books for the next six months. I am so excited for what we will read!!

• Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (my pick!)
• Miramar Bay by T. Davis Bunn
• The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute
• Sweep: The Story of A Girl and Her Monster by Jonathan Auxier
• The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michelle Richardson
• The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck

Back... to wrestling for the boys, who enjoyed a two week respite over break, plus the two weeks they spent sick before that.  Now we're trying to decide who is going to continue on this next quarter.  Jack & Wyatt say they're pretty sure they want to, but Logan really doesn't. So Josh and I have a decision to make. 

Getting... basically no news (which is good news) from Wyatt's neurologist when we went to see her in Spokane on Thursday.  His EEG was clear- it showed no seizures and no abnormalities- which is great, but it still leaves us wondering what these staring spells are.  He hasn't had any in a while, so we are just going to watch and wait.  Dr. Eastman said that seizures will make themselves known (by increasing in severity or frequency) so if they are seizures, we will know eventually.  In the meantime we just have to keep Wyatt safe, which is pretty easy considering his staring spells/seizures only seem to be happening in the classroom or in bed and are very short in duration. 
I am so thankful Josh's mom was able to have Carly for the day Thursday so Wyatt and I could head to Spokane without her in tow, as she gets carsick and isn't the most patient girl at the doctor's office. (What three year old is?!?)
Every time I head to the children's hospital I get very anxious about finding parking, especially if my appointment is midday like it was today.  So as I drive into the parking garage, I say a little prayer that God would send someone out to their car as I am driving by, and every time it works.  I know it's a little thing, and it might seem silly to you, but for me, it alleviates so much stress, and I'm so grateful for God meeting that small request.

Tearing up... when I received my sister's adoption announcement in the mail.  It made it feel... I don't know... official? I was so excited, and so happy for my sister, and I loved seeing that sometimes there are happy endings.

Watching... the snow fall on Friday as I stayed home taking care of Logan who was home sick, sick, sick and reading my books. Logan's got a terrible sore throat and fever and chills, poor kid.  The only good thing was that I didn't have much going on so I was able to just sit with him on the couch and really snuggle him up good.

Sleeplessness... is leading to more worry than (my current) normal, which is crummy.  Normally I am able to tell myself, "Think horses not zebras" when it comes to me or the kids being sick... but with myself not sleeping, my thoughts are bit more chaotic than normal and it's hard to talk myself down.  Like with Carly's growing pains, I keep thinking it must be something worse. And with Logan's illness, I kept thinking it must be something to do with his seizure med levels... but really, it's probably just growing pains in Carly and some kind of flu in Logan.  But try telling that to my crazy, child-loving, fear-protecting, worst-case-scenario thinking, sleep deprived mind!

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