around here: week 21 2021

 {May 16-22nd}

Inviting... Logan & Jack's best friends over to swim.  Easton & Channing are also identical twins.  In their family they are #3 & #4 whereas Logan & Jack are #1 & #2.  Those boys are all like peas in a pod.  They're so good and have so much fun together.  I love their unique friendships. 

Enjoying... the twins' cooking.  They are making more and more dinners each week, and it brings me such happiness! They love cooking, (and I really don't!) so it's win/win!  

Going... to the doctor with Carly to talk to him about my muscle pain in my legs.  She played so well while we were there.  And I got some medicine to help with the pain I've been dealing with.  

Agonizing... over the sunburn all three boys have from last weekend.  They were cleaning the pool but they never got back out to put on sunscreen before spending the afternoon swimming.  Logan got the worst of it.  His turned into blisters all across his shoulders and back, and even gave him something called Hell's Itch, which I had never heard of before.  He woke up in the night with an intense itch under the sunburn, but the blisters were not anywhere near healing, so scratching them was agonizing.  He was near tears when he woke me up with this itching. 

Struggling... through these last weeks of school.  It feels like it will never end, and I am running out of steam. So are the kids. 

Running... errands with Carly and enjoying our alone time.  I know it's quickly shrinking with summer on it's way with brothers home full time. 

Taking... Carly on a bike ride one afternoon during a panic attack. My sister encouraged me to get out of the house and move my body in an attempt to overcome the physical symptoms.  It was really effective and I was grateful for the good advice. 

Going... on a walk with Josh after we laid the kids down one evening.  It was exactly what I needed. 

Shocked... that Josh has read more books than me so far this year! I have really slowed my reading down, focusing on other things, and he has amped up his reading this year.  He has a commute to work, so he uses that time to listen to audiobooks and that has him racking up books like nobody's business.  It's bringing out the competitive side of me. hehe. I'm hoping I can catch up in the summer. 

Looking... back on the twins' infancy & childhood as we approach their birthday next month.  Gosh they were so darn cute!!

Finding... Carly asleep in the hallway one night as Josh and I were headed to bed. I'm not sure what she was doing there, but it made me giggle. 

Contemplating... raising our kids without church, and deciding that it is the right thing for us. Every once in a while I wonder if our kids will miss out on certain things because we don't go to church.  But the risk that they may not know something about religion or the bible is worth knowing for sure that I am the only one pumping ideas & morals into them. (sidenote: if church works for you/your family, I am happy for you.  It's just not what's right for us.)

Freaking... out when I had a lip twitch that wouldn't quit on Friday.  I had already been having anxiety this week, and that was the final straw.  I gave in to temptation and medical googled, finding that lip twitches can be a sign of ALS, so I was convinced that I had ALS.  (Re-reading this to myself, it sounds ridiculous, but in the moment of my health anxiety, I always actually believe I have whatever I have convinced myself matches my symptoms. It's exhausting.)
This feeling triggered a full on panic attack and I broke down in sobs, exhausted after a week of anxiety and it's physical symptoms.  Wyatt and I had been watching Cars 3 together and I told him I was just having an anxiety flare up. I am never sure how to handle the kids when I am feeling that way... but I find honesty tends to be the best policy.  So I just told him I was worried about my twitch and it was giving me anxiety.  He hugged me and told me he was sorry I felt bad. We took turns soaking our feet in epsom salts and soon I started to feel better. 

Listening... to the "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast by Glennon Doyle & her sister, and loving it. Now every Tuesday I look forward to the new podcast they put out. 

Sending... the twins off to my parents house for the weekend, and enjoying a day with just my two littles.  We decided to take advantage of it just being the three of us, and went to the movies.  We saw Raya and The Last Dragon, which was so cute! And we enjoyed popcorn and candy and slushees.  It was so special. 

Feeling... like the fun mom when I said yes to Wyatt and Carly playing video games in the arcade area of the movie theater when our movie ended.  I love when I feel like the fun mom.  

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around here: week 10 2020

Enjoying... our last morning in Cannon Beach.  We had delicious breakfast on Day Two, then packed up & headed home to our crew.

Driving... home in under six hours, which felt miraculous.  Also, the drive felt super fast, which was unexpected.  It's crazy how much less stressful driving long distances is without children. I realize as I write that it sounds really stupid (duh! Traveling without kids is easy!) but I haven't traveled without kids for a long time, and I forgot that it can kind of be enjoyable.  Hah!

Getting... some great hugs when we arrived home Sunday.  Carly especially was overjoyed to see us.

Prepping... for Monday and the week ahead by cleaning house and unpacking from our trip.

Dealing.... with unhappy children come Monday morning and enduring a never ending eye twitch as the week progressed.  Really missing the beach...

Taking... Carly to her four year appointment and getting her vaccines (she was due for two) and then taking Logan to his neurologist appointment in Spokane on Tuesday.  I was crazy-nervous to go to Spokane and meet with his neurologist because Spokane is where they are housing some of the people with Coronavirus (in an isolation unit) at the same hospital where he sees his specialist.
I was able to overcome my anxiety about it, though, knowing that the few cases present were in isolation and that we needed to meet with her to discuss his medication levels (we are going to lower them a little to bring them to a safer level) and they wouldn't have us come if it weren't safe.
On the drive home we stopped at Love's (a huge truck stop) for a potty break and Carly fell in love with a huge bubba (what my kids call stuffed animals) and I, being a pushover, bought it for her. ;) She was so brave for her shots, and was such a good girl during Logan's appointment, I couldn't say no. She named her "Kiki" and is in love.

Wanting... to just BE lately.  So much so that on the drive home from Spokane, I didn't even listen to a story like I usually do.  I just drove and thought and prayed, and enjoyed the peaceful feeling of Carly sleeping in the back seat.

Worrying... over many things and feeling that it's the whole "straw that broke the camel's back" situation.  No one thing is HUGE and overwhelming, but all the things together feels like a LOT.  I'm worrying about sleep, finances, the kids' anxiety, my own rising anxiety, some extended family situations I can't go into, Coronavirus, having no stockpile and how we are so woefully unprepared.

Stocking up... with Jack's help after school one evening.  I feel so much better now that I know we have some food in our cupboards & pantry.  It's not perfect, but it's something.

Letting... Wyatt attend a mid-week birthday party for a classmate at the bowling alley.  He had SO much fun and even won a light up yo-yo and a real Lava Lamp!  Josh used to have a Lava Lamp collection. They were his favorite.

Changing... days for Carly to go with Grandma from Thursday to Tuesday since she's heading out of town, and taking a much needed nap.  I know that whenever my anxiety is rising, the best thing I can do for myself is sleep.  That feels counterintuitive, as crossing things off my to-do list seems like it would be more anxiety-reducing, but years of experience have taught me that if I am well rested, I am better able to talk myself down, which is a huge part of keeping my panic at bay.

Reading... I am I am I am on audio, Miramar Bay for book club and starting Red, White & Royal Blue from Book of the Month. I am I am I am was a fun listen, and reminded me of all the ways our lives are miracles. I especially related to her miscarriages.  Miramar Bay was a fine story, but the characters weren't super well developed and the story line didn't hold my interest. Just an "okay" story for me.  I am only a few pages into Red, White & Royal Blue, so I will have to report back!

Attending... book club Tuesday night, which was lovely, as always. I adore those ladies so much.  Unfortunately for me, the book was "meh"... but that's alright.

Washing... load after load of laundry, and thinking I'm going to join a few of my friends who have been keeping track of how many loads they do every month in April. I truly have no idea, I just know I always have some going and it.never.ends. I wonder if it's 40? 60?

Watching... Babies on Netflix and legit taking notes like the absolute nerd I am.  So much fascinating research being done on hormones and breastmilk and bonding and brains... I think every parent should watch it!

Laughing... as Carly continually sings "Old Town Road" while mounting the couch, table or her siblings and pretending they're all horses. She's so hilarious.

Sending... the twins off to Vancouver to see my parents while Josh picks up his new car with his brother this weekend.  The four of them took off Friday afternoon and I took Carly & Wyatt to Lego time at the library.  They had a blast. 

Making... homemade play dough on Saturday and hosting a sleepover in my bed (I actually ended up sleeping in Carly's bed #momlife) after movie night.  The kids loved it.  We rented two movies for the weekend since it was just the three of us.  We watched Frozen II and Playing with Fire. The kids enjoyed both.  I was also thrilled this weekend to find colored chalk for $1 at Dollar Tree for Carly's chalk board! So fun!

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