Alaska House

 This, my friends, is my new abode. I can hardly wait to get there and make my mark on it!

For those who follow Josh's blog, this will be redundant, so feel free to skip it!

Our house is one of a fourplex. They are set up: 2 bedroom, 3 bedroom, 3 bedroom, 2 bedroom

Side by side like townhouses.

 This is the Arctic entry, which, contrary to popular belief is heated. The idea is to keep it warm so the house has a buffer when the outside door is open.  The green door is our outside door.  I am excited to work on making this room functional for our family, adding some purchases from Ikea, I imagine and some kind of weather proof rug that will serve to keep us from slipping & sliding when the snow melts off our gear.

 That door you see there is the front door. And the rest of this room is our teeny tiny living room. And makeshift office.  Terry donated his couch from the old housing to us, and we are very thankful because the other couch only had two cushions.

 I have been really impressed with how nice the furniture looks. This TV stand is no exception.  The empty flooring in this room is just calling for a nice, cozy rug. I can't wait to find the perfect one (with free shipping!) on Amazon.

 Downstairs there is also a full bath, which we are thinking we will use as the boys' bathroom because it is handicap accessible and therefore has more space than the bathroom upstairs.  I was so happy to buy all new towels & shower curtains. After eight years of marriage (and lots of different facial acne creams) mine were worse for wear!

Ahh, and the kitchen. My dreamy little kitchen. That fridge is HUGE, which is good because we won't be doing weekly shopping trips at Winco, and I am loving all the cabinet space. The only thing lacking is counter space, but the kitchen table is humongous, so I think I'll do just fine.  

 I love the flat top stove, as well as the double sink.  The sadness that overwhelms me when I notice no dishwasher is overcome when I see what lies around the corner.

 Beautiful, brand new stackable front loading washer & dryer that Josh claims can dry a load in ONE go! My old dryer always took two runs, and sometimes even took three!

Also notice the extra freezer. Josh tells me it is chock full of meat- moose meat, mostly, as well as some things he ordered with his fellow teachers.

 And our dining room with its table.  It expands to seat eight people, I think, and will be just perfect for meals, pre-school & games.

 

 So along with the arctic entry, living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom & pantry/laundry room the third bedroom is located downstairs.  Right now Josh is filling it up with all the boxes we've sent.

 He knows that if he unpacked them & attempted to assemble the house, I would likely just come in behind him and change it all anyway, so he's decided to save the effort & leave it all to me.

 So that downstairs room will be the boys' playroom since the living room is so small, and the baby still sleeps in our room.

 As you head up the stairs... which are unfortunately wood (insert lots of loud, painful, imaginary stair falling incidences), you will find the other two bedrooms, a bathroom & a large linen closet.

 

 The linen closet is one of the spaces I am most excited about. It will be vital for me to have stockpiles of pert near everything (as Grandpa would say) since we will be in the middle of just about nowhere. This closet, with these lovely shelves, will help me keep that stockpile organized.

 The twins' bedroom was originally going to have bunk beds, but the bunk beds have not been going so well here at Carol & Carl's, so we changed our plans and put their beds side by side.  I can't wait to put their cozy sheets & blankets on their beds and make the room their own.

 The dresser in their room will easily store all their clothes, and is gorgeous.

Their closet will also house many things. I am so excited to have all this space!!!

 The upstairs bathroom will be ours and can I just say that having multiple toilets for my multiples will be really nice?

 Ahh, and the master bedroom.  

I am very excited for this new open, airy room.  Josh moved the original couch into our room so that we can read bedtime stories to Logan & Jack in there, and also so I can feed Wyatt more comfortably.  I think it will be very cozy to have in there.

 And the best part of my new room? That gorgeous, empty bookshelf beckoning me to fill it with books.

I am so excited for our blank slate to be filled soon with wonderful memories of our family together again!

Last Day

 Wednesday was the boys' last day of school. (We go bowling tomorrow, but we won't go to their classroom ever again!) So I brought my camera with me.

 Here they are with their best buddy Tyler.  What I loved about Tyler was that he asked the boys who they were. "Are you Logan or Jack?" each time he addressed them, so he could get it right. I think that is so amazing for how young they are!

I had to capture them running to their classroom for the last time.  Everyday I would feel so bad for the teachers who worked off this hallway, because it seriously sounded like stampeding elephants every time we entered the building!

I am starting to have moments where I can't believe I am leaving this place that I call home.  Like yesterday I saw Mason, Orion, Juli & Scott for the last time before I go.  There have been a few things like that lately, where I know that it's the last time I will do something, or see someone.  Like yesterday walking with Christine behind our herd of boys, laughing as they made a mad dash for class. It's making this seem pretty real, that's for darn sure.

little moments with jack

My Jack Jack

 I have to admit to you that I started this Little Moments blog over six weeks ago. So this is a vast collection of adorable moments with my little Jack Jack. Enjoy!

For Christmas Josh ordered a train table. We can't wait till they see it!

In the car the other day Jack was freaking out and then he told himself, "Deep breaths, deep breaths." I don't know where he got this, but I thought it was adorable!

Wyatt, Logan & Mason

The other day he told me that when he is a grown up he is going to take care of Mason & Orion (who my mom baby-sits) and he would let them walk up & flip over just like Papa does for him.  And he also told me that he will still be Jack, just as a grown up.

Logan, enjoying a cookie & Jack, finishing his peaches

 A few weeks back Jack asked me, "What's that smell? Is it a fart?" And when I said yes to him, he started laughing so hard! Logan joined him giggling, and their laughter made my heart smile.  Already they are such little boys. Laughing about farts.

The boys absolutely love bath time. They love to bathe alone, just the two of them, or with Wyatt. They like to help me wash his belly & his piggies. And they love to pour the water onto him.  And when they bathe alone, they like to have water gun fights.  The boys have always loved playing with water, and it seems that love is only growing. I think baths will be a great way to pass the time in Marshall.

Jack & Logan, waiting for their recital to begin...

The other day on the drive home from pre-school Jack told me he had "cudia's" all over his hands.  I looked back at him, and there, on his chubby fingers, were a million scribbles of purple marker.  "What are they?" I asked him again. "Cudia's. Kuh-dee-uhh. You know... Like Dallas?"

"Oh! Tattoos? Tattoos like Dallas?"

"Yeah. Cudia's."

It was a super cute conversation. My little brother (Dallas, 22) has lots of tattoos and the boys think they are neat. But after this cute conversation I had to explain to Jack that in our house we don't allow tattoos and he won't ever be allowed to get them while he lives with Daddy.  Not sure if he understood, but I tried.

Dimply Jack

Tuesday when they came home from Aunt Julie's, they told me me saw the ambulances & two crashed cars!  They were so excited about the crashed cars. I think they thought that only happened on TV!

Just Jack

Jack has been telling me that he wants to go on a date with Nanny. He always changes the destination. Sometimes it's the movie theater, sometimes McDonald's. But it's always with my mom.  I think it's so tender.

Handsome Logan

Jack also has plans for a family expansion. he told me I should have 4 more children and that he wants to steal Milo, my sister's son.  He's such a crack up.

I love this one of Jack

 At my mom's two weeks ago I gave him a bite of my ice cream and he said, "Give me a bigger bite, mom. I want a freeze cold!" I had to think for a minute... "You mean a brain freeze?" We all started cracking up. Then when I gave him the bigger bite of ice cream, he faked like he had a brain freeze, touching his forehead and going, "Oh! Oh!" It was hilarious!

Cheese face Jack!

He also told me recently that he is ready and wants to live in Alaska. When I asked him why he said, "When we live in Alaska, then you won't be sad because we'll be with Daddy." He is so perceptive.

Logan at pre-school

Sometimes when I can't find the boys I ask them if they're being naughty.  Jack usually marches over to where I am and tells me, "I am'nt being naughty, mommy. I am'nt."

This is what we found in Grandma's purse, courtesy of Logan Henry

I asked the boys recently, "What would you do with lots of money?"

Logan's answer was to work. I told him he was spending too much time with his Papa Carl who works a lot.  Jack told me he'd buy lots of toys!

And speaking of Papa Carl, one of my favorite sounds in the morning is that of four little feet running down the hallway to hug & kiss papa good-bye. It's so precious.

We found this frog as well...

The other day Jack was sitting at the kitchen table eating when he told me he loves me & Logan.

Usually the other one will say, "Don't say that!" and get embarrassed. But this day Logan replied, "I love you, too, Jackie." Melted me. Right into a puddle.

Jack on the left & Logan on the right, at their recital

The boys had their Christmas recital at pre-school two weeks ago and the boys were adorable. They just stood on stage like two deer caught in headlights, scanning the crowd, looking for a familiar face.  Then they caught sight of my mom, ran off the stage and hugged her. It was so adorable! Luckily their song was over!

Logan, Teacher Tasha & Jack

Wednesday when I picked the boys up from school (their last day) Jack walked over to me and showed me his empty book bag. I told him he couldn't pick a book because that was his last day, and we wouldn't be coming back.  

Logan, Teacher Katie & Jack

 He immediately started crying and buried his head in my legs. Teacher Katie took Wyatt so I could comfort Jack.  When I told him again that school was all done he asked why. I told him we are moving to Alaska, so we can't go to pre-school anymore. And then he asked, "What's in Alaska?" To which I replied, "Your Daddy." I found myself tearing up right along with him. Those two ladies in the Sunshine class have made my life here without Josh manageable. Having a chance, three times a week, to only care for Wyatt & get done what needs to get done, was amazing.  And they really loved my boys.  To me, that means the world.  Thank you, girls. We will miss you.

Tantrum Logan

Every time we drive by the airport or see an airplane, the boys think Josh is on the airplane or in the airport. I have to explain that the plane he got on took him far away to Alaska and he's not back yet.  Then today on the way to their doctor appointment Jack asked if Daddy was going to be there. (He's always been at all of their doctor appointments.) And I had to tell him that, no, daddy wasn't going to be there. That Nanny would be there. Then he said, "So you are going to take care of me?" 

Little bit o rage

 It's so hard. Just when I think they are starting to understand the idea that Josh is gone, but he'll be home soon, they go back to not getting it.

Full on tantrum body...

Last night I got the chance to talk to Krista, a fellow teacher's wife, who is also at home (for her that's in Billings, Montana) with their small children, waiting for Joe to come and get them after Christmas. It was so lovely to talk to another mommy who is going through the same thing.  

Whoo! He was MAD!

She talked about how many "sleeps" it was until Joe gets home.  I told her about the boys' countdown chain and how Logan ripped three off one day, in hopes that doing so would bring Josh home quicker.  The two of us can't wait for our families to be reunited and for our kids to have their Daddies back, as it should be.

I had hoped taking pictures would distract him, but he didn't slow down one iota.

 The boys behavior with Josh's continued absence seems to ebb and flow. For a while there Jack was really the angry, tantruming one. And now it seems that Jack is better whereas Logan can't be told no without a good seven minute freak-out.  Getting out of the house and being more strict about their bedtime schedule seems to help with their emotions, but I think mostly they just need their Daddy here. And I can't blame them. I feel like I need their Daddy here, too! 

So, Daddy, if you are reading this: 

Hurry home! 

We need you! 

We miss you! 

We love you!

Happy Sweet Six Months

 Our little buddy, Wyatt Nathanial, is six months old today.  I am feeling conflicted about this passage of time. It has been both long & slow... It feels like a very long, long time ago that my water broke in triage and labor began. It seems a long time ago I brought a third tiny baby boy home to meet his big brothers.  But at the same time, it feels like just yesterday he had his first bath. It feels like mere moments ago I was still pregnant, anticipating his arrival. I guess time is tricky like that.

 I am remembering the twins at six months old, about to celebrate their first Christmas. That's when Jack got his beloved Santa Bear.  Such fun memories I have of that morning. Going in to wake them in their identical beds, in their identical jammies, both smiling with identical dimples, up at Josh and I.

This year will be just as magical, I'm sure.  But anything would be better than last year. Oh, last year. I was sick. Nauseous from the pregnancy & suffering a sinus infection. Plus I was sick about working, about leaving those boys. Finally in January, I started feeling better, but boy was it a long haul from September to December!

So I am looking forward to a happy holiday season, spent surrounded by loved ones, most importantly my beloved husband, who will be home to see his happy, chubby baby in eight short days.

 We saw the doctor today, whom I love, and she reported that Wyatt, who weighs 21 pounds, is in the 95th percentile for weight, and at 26 inches long, is only in the 35th percentile for height. He's a sweet little butterball, that baby. He really is our little Babyham.

Yesterday before baths, he was naked and the twins were blowing raspberries on his plump pink belly, and he was laughing so hard.  I wish I had caught it on camera, but it's hard when I'm the only grown up. (My in-laws were downstairs.) His giggle just puts the biggest smile on my face.  And the twins get such joy from making the baby happy. 

Today at his appointment, Wyatt got three shots.  He cried really hard for the first one, and by the time she stuck the band aids on him, he had stopped.  But what broke my heart (and made me really proud at the same time) was Jack's reaction to Wyatt getting poked. He watched, with HUGE eyes, as the nurse prepped the area and popped the top off the needle. Then as soon as Wyatt started crying, Jack's whole face curled up, and got all red and I thought for sure he'd start crying for his baby brother, but instead he buried his face in Logan's back so he didn't have to see the rest. It was so precious.  The empathy that I witness from them is beautiful.  I hope to nurture that.

Wyatt is starting to roll around more. Now that we live somewhere with other adults, I feel it's safer to give him floor time. He rolls easily from his belly to his back, and has been working on rolling from his back to his belly. He hasn't done it yet, but he's thinking about it.  

He loves to reach for his toys, putting his two hands together oh-so-slowly in front of himself to grasp for whatever you have. 

 He naps like a pro lately. He takes a good hour and a half morning nap, all swaddled up & cozy in our room.  And in the afternoon he's often sleeping two hours (and at the same time the twins are sleeping!) But bedtime is a different story. He'll sleep from seven to ten, no problem.  But once he wakes up at ten and I feed him, then he's up every hour or two. I am so sleep deprived. It honestly feels even worse than with the twins. And I think that's because he sleeps in in the morning (until 8 sometimes), but the twins are up at 5am (or, like this morning, at 4:45am) so I am not sleeping all night, and then getting up, literally, before the sun.  It's killing me. 

Thank God for my mother-in-law who let me go back to bed for two hours this morning with Wyatt. 

I feel like something's gotta give with these kids. The twins are fighting me going down at nap & bed time, and are up at 5am no matter what time I get them down. And the baby sleeps like a dream all day until it's dark out and I want to get some rest.  

So in desperation I bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth.  I am praying to God it holds the answers to my sleep questions, because I am dying. I feel like a wreck. I can't remember anything, my reflexes are slow and I just feel so crabby.  My head pounds and I could seriously fall asleep anywhere, any time.  I am only a few chapters into the book, but so far he recommends crying it out, which will work in Alaska, but not so much right now since I'm in someone else's house; and he also recommends an earlier bedtime. Which I am totally on board for. So with the twins, my goal is to (eventually) get them in bed by 6:30pm so they are asleep by 7pm.  And I have taken to sitting in there, often nursing Wyatt, so that they will stay in their beds and fall asleep more quickly. For a while there, it was taking an hour an a half to get them to fall asleep at nap or bed time and by then I was ready to ring their necks! With me sitting in there, nap time takes about fifteen minutes, and bedtime takes about twice that.

In addition to fighting naughty sleepers, the cold that we have all passed around and adjusting to sleep in a new location, Wyatt has been teething. His first tooth popped up two days ago. It's on the bottom right and is so cute. When I told Jack that Wyatt got his first tooth, Jack asked, "Like Little Critter?" So cute!

 As I've said before cloth diapering is going really well.  I love seeing the rainbow of diapers in my orange crate, all clean & ready for his sweet little bottom.  I am really relieved that I'm enjoying it and the washing isn't a big deal. Right now I don't even wash them, Carol does. She says washing and hanging them makes her happy-- who am I to argue with that?!?

 Wyatt brings such joy to those around him. His little cherubic face, rosy pink cheeks, shiny blue eyes and adorable dimple wins over women in stores, as well as his aunts & grandma's.  Everyone just wants to squeeze him up. Myself included. He's such a little bundle!

I am finding myself really grateful that he found his way into our family just in time for Josh to leave. Hugging him, holding him, and caring for him is what has made this time without Josh go as quickly as it has. Just one more week and we will have done it. Being apart will be over. And Logan, Jack & Wyatt will have their Daddy again.  That will be a very happy day. A very happy day indeed!

Paper Wyatt

{Wyatt :: 6 months :: taken with Samuel's Paper Camera App}

I am loving living with my in-laws. There are so many blessings here. I fall asleep peacefully every night knowing we are safe. And I so enjoy having someone to talk to everyday.  My brother-in-law is awesome. Hilarious, helpful.  The boys love him.  My mother-in-law helps with the cooking, cleaning & laundry. As well as playing with the twins & holding Wyatt whenever I need a hand.  My father-in-law even pitches in with the kids while he's home, tossing the ball around with Jack & Logan, or bouncing Wyatt on his knee.

Carol  (my mother-in-law) set up a Days of Christmas countdown for the boys and every morning they get a little treasure or treat. They are loving it. This morning they got erasers & she taught them how they work. Jack spent the whole morning scribbling & erasing in a notebook on the kitchen table.  And yesterday she bought us some colored clay so we can make handmade ornaments for Christmas.

The transition to living here has been much smoother than I imagined, and I'm not spending all my time holed up in my room like I thought I'd be.  Most often I am in the family room with Wyatt, camped out on the couch, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter with Carol.

I am so relieved to have our duplex empty, our address changed, and our belongings shipped. Josh has received roughly half of the boxes we sent.  He said he's stacking them up in the playroom for me to figure out when I get there.  When we talk, his voice echoes through our currently empty house.  He says it's worse now. Now that he's there, alone, in the house where I should be, it's so lonely.  Before he had his roommate at least.

I am just excited at this point. Not sad at all.  I think the sadness will hit. Eventually. But for now I am just enjoying feeling this way.  I am looking forward to falling asleep in Josh's arms. I am looking forward to life slowing down. I am looking forward to setting up house in a brand new place.  I am looking forward to our family being together & life being normal. Well, as normal as it can be in Bush Alaska.
---

I have a Little Moments post that I've been adding to since early November, and I hope to post that, as well as get my Christmas cards out over the weekend.  Gearing up for Josh's homecoming & Christmas will be keeping me busy for sure for the next two weeks. Can you believe that's it? Only 14 days until he's home again?

Yeehaw!!!

Good eats

 Today I decided it was time for Wyatt to try some baby food.

He'll be six months next week, and that window is rapidly closing.

 His brothers were very (very!) excited about the idea. 

When I set out the Puffs on his tray, Jack tried to hand one to Wyatt, saying, "Here, try this!"

 Logan took matters into his own hands when Wyatt couldn't feed himself, and put it right in his mouth for him.

Wyatt played with it on his tongue for a while and then would push it back out again.

 He did the same with the rice cereal.

"He doesn't like it," the twins concluded.

 Mom & I had to tell them that he's just learning. That he likes to feel it with his tongue, and that's what pushes the food out.  They were adamant that he didn't like it.

By the looks of his face, you'd think they were right, but actually, he did really well for his first time.  And can I just say that feeding & cleaning up one baby is very easy?!?

Bush Alaska

Today my mom, Wyatt & I hit the Woodburn Outlet Mall to find me some winter gear for Alaska.  We hit the North Face outlet first, where I found this adorable wind proof down jacket, matching snow pants & a pair of cordoroy pants.

Then I hit up the Eddie Bauer outlet, where I found some amazing deals. I got two long sleeve shirts, two pair of wool socks, fur lined mittens as well as fleece gloves to wear inside the mittens, and the fur lined hat you see.

I already have my boots- Sorel's, that are rated to 40 below. Those along with lots of layers, scarves & adorable winter hats, will have me well prepared for the arctic temperatures.

Having all my gear ready  makes my departure for Marshall seem so real.

Ahh!

I'm moving to Bush Alaska, people!

How crazy is that!?!

together

I keep replaying in my head the moment when I realized Josh was here. In Vancouver.  Seeing his travel weary face, scruffy from a day of not shaving, standing on the walkway that lead to our door.  All I remember is seeing him and then him holding me. No time in between.  It just might be the best moment of my life.

I know that I should say that my children's births or my wedding day were the best moments of my life.  But the stress associated with each take them out of the running. With the wedding, there was pressure for it all to be perfect, and with the labor/cesarean's I was too exhausted for the babies' arrivals to take the lead.

No, Josh's surprise arrival on my doorstep on a cold, rainy Thursday morning, the day before my birthday in November, takes the cake.  Hands down, bar none. Best moment ever. 

The way it felt to put my two hands on the sides of his cool face, hold it and look him square in the eyes is indescribable.  My knees were weak. That sounds so cliche, but it's true. I was shaking. For hours, I shook from the shock of it.  As I hugged him, I remember he wanted to take off his jacket & put down his luggage. In fact he said repeatedly, "Let me put this stuff down," but I couldn't let him. I couldn't let go. He was finally here, in my arms, and I wasn't letting go for anything.

I could replay those ten minutes in my head over and over and never grow tired of the feeling that arises in my stomach, the butterflies flitting about, when I remember how it felt to hold him after so long.  All those nights alone, all I wanted was a hug.  Just one hug.  When he arrived two weeks ago, I got that hug.

And I've never felt so whole.

What means the most to me is waking up next to you

When you're holding me

You're my favorite thing in love

Coming home to your arms

when you kiss me hello

It's these simple things that mean the most to me

~

No more days far away where I miss you

No more nights trying to fall asleep without you

From now on I'm always gonna be there

I won't miss another day that we won't share

I'll be there

Cause you mean the most to me

{Colbie Caillat}

We belong together.  Our family belongs together.  Imagining us together in Marshall is what gets me through. I haven't cried in days. I feel light. We're getting so close. Just three more weeks & he'll be here. He's coming for us. To bring us home with him. 

My home is in his arms.

And I can't wait to be there.