10.05.2018

Around Here: Week 40 {2018}





My crew & my sister's crew with Uncle Blake












Doing... family pictures on Saturday with the kids in Wenatchee with my sister's help.  We somehow managed to get there, all dressed, and had good weather... but Jack forgot the jeans he was going to change into.  So there we were, all dressed up, and Jack was in basketball shorts.  (shaking my head...)  I was so mad, but my sister helped me take some deep breaths and we took pictures around his clothing mistake and got some great ones for our Christmas cards.  With my hair loss and Josh's Bell's Palsy, we decided that this year will be a "kids only" year for the Christmas photo.  I was sad at first, but after taking the pictures, I am really excited.  They turned out great, and I think it was honestly less stressful getting only the kids ready.
After doing pictures of my kids & my sister's kids, we went to a local shooting range where they were having an event for kids.  My sister's husband is a game warden, and he was working the event.  The boys got water bottles, compasses, stickers, pins and the twins even got to practice shooting.  They did great, each hitting a clay pigeon.  I was so proud!

Saturday night... done right.  With warm cookies & remotes on hand, I was ready to relax after driving to Wenatchee and back, doing pictures with the kids, attending the gun event with them, taking Wyatt to a birthday party and making the twins pizza for movie night.  Whew!!!

Caretaking... the littles as Logan came home one day this week with a sore throat, and Jack came home one day this week with a headache.  Meanwhile, Wyatt has been able to stay at school, but his peak flow numbers are crap.  He's barely able to blow a 225 most days (275-300 is normal) until after he's had a treatment, and he's been on steroids over two weeks now!  If he's not doing consistently better by Monday, I am going to have to take him back in to see the doctor. Most days I am even bringing the nebulizer to the school and doing a treatment mid-day.  Josh, however, is doing much better and is gaining movement in his face slowly but surely.  We are so thankful for every bit that comes back!

Enjoying... a playdate at a friends' house where she made us quiche (yum) and (decaf for me) coffee (so yum!) and we got to visit.  It was a lovely morning and I was so thankful for it.  I also enjoyed my Wednesday morning date with Shana where we walked and talked and let Carly feed her chickens.  She spoiled Carly and I with some hand-me-downs (so fun!) and Carly's still carrying around this giant Everest stuffed animal that she got from her.  It's true love.  I cannot even tell you how grateful I am to have such amazing friends in this new hometown of ours.  They give me strength, make me feel loved and bring me such joy. 

Grateful... for flowers from my neighbor Barb.  Whenever she brings me flowers, they never cease to put a big smile on my face. And this bunch of roses smelled amazing!

Loving... my week without social media.  I am seven days into my monthlong break and I cannot even tell you how lovely it is.  I feel like, first of all, I have so much more free time, (like, it's embarrassing how much time I must have been spending on my phone) and second of all, my brain is so much quieter. It's less busy and comparative in there.  There is less constant chatter, less negativity and more presence in my actual life.  There is also a ton more time for reading, and the actual attention span with which to complete it.  It's awesome.

Reading... and finishing All We Ever Wanted, which was good, but not great and You Think It, I'll Say It, which was good, but a bit intense during some stories.  (It's a collection of essays.)  I listened to both of those on audio.  I've since started Hillbilly Elegy on audio and am interested to hear more.
For parenting, I have picked up 52 Things Kids Need From A Mom and even though I'm only on the fourth thing, I am loving it.  Her advice (things like, letting your kids see you pray and touching them all the time) is so, so good and timely at this point in my life where my kids are growing up before my eyes.  I'm also reading The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel.  The Whole Brain Child is really helping me change up my parenting (remembering to lead with empathy -right brain- before following up with logic -left brain-) and I can't wait to keep reading!
Yesterday I finished Always & Forever Lara Jean (the third in the To All The Boys I've Loved Before trilogy) and I love, love, loved it! I am so sad it's over!  Now I am finishing Ghosted, one of my Book of the Month picks.  I can't even tell you how good it feels to be doing so much reading!

Using... all my new Monat products and loving how they make my hair look and feel.  I did my first overnight oil treatment and I also used the Rejuvabeads for split ends and the Root Lifter.  It's crazy how they made it seem like my hair isn't even half missing!

Adjusting... to the sudden cold weather.  I woke up Thursday and when I took the trash out I could see my breath.  Just like that. I swear it happened overnight.  Suddenly we are wearing sweaters and long pants and needing to get the air conditioners out of the windows!

Breaking... my pinky toe this morning before school.  I was walking down the hallway to get Carly out of her high chair when the corner wall caught it and as the rest of me kept going, it stayed behind.  Oh my holy goodness it hurt so much, and as the day has proceeded, the pain has only increased.  It's swollen and purple and looks awful.  So I'm in a boot, keeping it elevated, icing & taking ibuprofen like it's going out of style, and praying it heals quickly. sigh.

Missing... the kids' Jog-A-Thon this afternoon because of said broken toe.  Wyatt was super bummed Carly and I wouldn't be there, but Josh saved the day and was able to get off work an hour early and surprised the boys by being there.  They were so glad to see him, and Josh said he was really proud of how hard they ran.

Taking... Dairy Queen Blizzards to the boys at lunch.  Carly was so happy to go see the boys at school, and I was glad to see the twins' new school cafeteria.  They have the best staff assistants ever (seriously, love them!) and they're such a good bunch of kids. 

Thankful... Josh is the best dad ever.  He jumps with Carly on the trampoline whenever she wants; he took time off work to go to the Jog-A-Thon and surprise Wyatt when he knew he was disappointed I couldn't go; and even though he was so tired after work on Wednesday, he went and played baseball with Jack who had been wanting to play ball with him.  He puts all of us first, and we are so blessed by him.

Needing... to sort through our winter gear to see what we have and what we need.  The twins will probably need boots (as will Carly), but I honestly have no idea what else the kids might need for the winter weather that is sure to come.  Our goal is to always be ready for snow by Halloween, so I better get myself in gear!!!

Celebrating... that today marks an entire month seizure-free for Logan.  I am so happy for him (for all of us, really) that this medication (Tegretol) is working and that he has his freedom back.  Thank you to all of you who have prayed with us as his seizures have changed and we've tried different medications and doses.  We are so grateful to be where we are today.  It feels like a dream come true.

***

10.04.2018

100 Small Things {2018-2019}

Fall: 

  • "A Week In The Life"- on the blog
  • Back to School Mom Pampering
  • Fall book list for mom
  • Decorate for autumn
  • Make pumpkin muffins
  • Make a pumpkin roll
  • Make snickerdoodles
  • Boys: Do Xtra Math app (get back on track)
  • Fall Thankful Craft (Pinterest for Inspiration)
  • Do a puzzle
  • Go to the pumpkin patch
  • Make candy corn cupcakes


Winter: 

  • Sledding with cousins
  • Make Grandma Beverly's cinnamon rolls
  • Elf on the shelf
  • Kindness for teachers
  • Create Christmas Cards
  • Watch 3 documentaries as a family
  • Christmas Craft
  • Have a kid sleepover in the living room
  • Do a puzzle
  • Go out for coffee
  • Make gingerbread houses
  • Make sugar cookie ornament cookies


 
Spring: 

  • Start our garden
  • Easter craft
  • Family bike ride
  • Do a puzzle
  • Family game night
  • Plant peonies
  • Host a playdate at my house
  • Plant hydrangeas
  • Go on a date with Josh
  • Try a new park
  • Scooter walk on the water front with the kids
  • Play Cards Against Humanity with Josh's brother & nephews


Summer: 

  • Yardwork
  • Make a summer craft
  • Create a summer reading list
  • Trampoline book club with the kids
  • Star gazing
  • Eat outside as a family
  • Do a puzzle
  • Go to Silverwood
  • Host "Make Your Own Pizza Night"
  • Swim in the Washougal
  • Put a flowerbed in the side yard
  • Host a BBQ


House: 

  • Put in a dryer vent
  • Paint the house
  • Redo the kitchen
  • Paint windowsills/molding ****
  • New flooring
  • New AC Unit
  • Renovate bathrooms
  • New bedroom comforter
  • Organize Crafts
  • Organize Boys' School Memoribilia
  • Quarterly Goodwill Dump:
    • Fall
    • Winter
    • Spring
    • Summer

Shelly: 

  • Workout 3x a week
  • Continue counseling
  • Journal 1x a week
  • Meditate 2x a week
  • Do a push up challenge
  • Be present for the kids
  • Dress up for date night
  • Get a pedicure

Reading:

  • Inspired Readers- Lead 1 book/month
  • Attend BBB Book Club monthly
  • 52 Book Yearly Goal (audio/real)
  • Send finished books to friends
  • Monthly Reading Blog Book Reviews:
    • August
    • September
    • October
    • November
    • December
    • January
    • February
    • March
    • April
    • May 
    • June
    • July

Social:

  • Small Group Get Together
  • Visit Grandma Pansy 2x
  • Visit mom & dad
  • Sister date
  • Go to the movies
  • Meet Logan & Jack for lunch
  • Meet Wyatt for lunch
  • Hike with my dad
  • Kayak with my mom


Blog:

  • Finish Blog Story
  • Quarterly 100 Small Things Updates:
    • Fall (December)
    • Winter (March)
    • Spring (June)
    • Summer (September)

***

10.03.2018

A Happy Mom

I didn't realize how much my job was stealing my happiness, stealing my joy.
Until the day Josh told me I could quit and I spontaneously burst into tears, I had no idea how the pressure was effecting me.

Suddenly I am a fun mom again.  I'm reading a chapter book to the boys at bedtime again and we're having water balloon fights and the kids are in the kitchen making their own pizzas on movie night.  I'm saying yes and laughing and enjoying them.

The pressure of getting to bed as soon as I got the kids into bed, of waking at 3:30am 3x a week, for 8 months had taken its toll, and that, coupled with dealing with sick kids (Logan's seizures making their reappearance and Wyatt's asthma hospitalization & subsequent sicknesses requiring constant monitoring and occasional ER visits) wore me down to an unrecognizable version of myself.

***

***I started this post back in July (hence the mention of water balloons), 
but even though it's been three months, I am still finding this true.  

Everyday I wake up grateful that I am no longer having to work.  That I can just stay home and care for our children.  I am happier, lighter, more myself.

Some of that is because of all the work I have put into it- the journaling, the counseling, the thoughts, prayer & meditation.  But some of it is because my life is simpler.  And that makes me happy. 

I love that when Wyatt wakes me in the night coughing, needing a nebulizer treatment, I no longer have to worry about whether my alarm will sound at 3:30am to wake me to teach those sweet students in China (for those who don't know, I taught with VIPkid, teaching Chinese students English basically via webcam) or if Carly will wake crying for me during a class.  It was just so incredibly stressful.  And all for only about $200 extra each month. 















In addition to being able to take something stressful out of my life, I have added some things into my life that have also made me a much happier mom.  Walking everyday is the main one.  Counseling twice a month is another.  And journaling weekly is the third.  These are things that I added when, in the spring, I had a sort of meltdown.  Things with Wyatt's asthma had hit an all time low (he was on steroids three times back to back), we couldn't keep him well, and I was utterly exhausted from trying to keep him healthy, in addition to monitoring Logan's seizures and slowly titrating him onto a new medication for the absent seizures he had begun having. 

I went to my doctor in tears, explaining that I couldn't carry on.  Between the kids' actual health issues and my nonstop personal health anxiety, I was a wreck.  He prescribed 20 mg of Prozac and I called to get myself in to see a counselor.  We eventually bumped my Prozac up to 30 mg, which has been the perfect dose.  I can really see a difference in my anxiety.  I am better able to push scary thoughts aside and not focus on my body all the time.  My main side effect is daily tiredness, but I just take naps when I need to. (Another bonus of being a stay-at-home mom!)  I've been on Prozac two other times (after each of my two miscarriages, in 2014 & 2015) and being on it I am always fine. Coming off it is never easy, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Counseling has been amazing.  I started out by talking to him about Wyatt's hospitalization and the stress of that and Logan's epilepsy diagnosis.  We also talked about how, as moms, we tend to set down our plates (of all the plates we have in the air), and how that never (ever) works because as soon as we set down our plates, all the other plates come crashing down.  So slowly I have begun learning how to make my plate a priority, no matter what's going on around me.

When Wyatt got sick again last week, after a four month break of no sickness (which was lovely!) I  worried I would end up back where I was last spring.  But the Saturday after he got steroids, I left him home with Josh and went on a nice long walk alone.  I asked for help from a friend when I needed a sitter for Carly.  I am doing things differently than I was then, and that's how I know things won't go back to how they used to be.

*

Something I'd like to start doing here on the blog is sharing what I learn in counseling.  
Two of the first lessons I learned were:

1) Ask for (and accept) help
2) Monitor, Don't Control

Asking for and accepting help was hard at first, but after Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade killed themselves, I saw how serious mental illness can get, and I saw that taking care of myself was very important.  I also know that when I offer to help my friends, I mean it.  I would want them to reach out if they needed anything.  So I am getting better about reaching out if I need something, and accepting help when it is offered.

And when it comes to Logan & Wyatt's illnesses/conditions, I have changed my thinking.  I no longer try to "control" their asthma & epilepsy, but simply see myself as its monitor.  I keep track of symptoms and medications, but I don't have to try and control it in any way.  Changing my thinking in this way has taken a lot of the pressure off. 

These two changes have made me a much, much happier mama. 

It hasn't been easy (or quick) to make these changes over the last six months, but boy has it been worth it.  If you are struggling, feeling like you're drowning in housework, stress, adulthood and anxiety, please know first of all that you are not alone, but also that it can change.  It may take a while, but if you work at it, bit by bit, you can get better, feel better, do better.  I promise.












"You don't have to move mountains.
Simply fall in love with life.
Be a tornado of happiness, gratitude and acceptance.
You will change the world
just be being a warm, kindhearted human being."
-Anita Krizzan

***

10.02.2018

Powell's Book Store + Our Love of Books

Earlier this spring, my awesome friend Megan came back from a trip to Portland all pumped cause she got to go to Powell's Book Store and she was all (open mouth, eyes wide) "What?!? You've never been there?!?" when I told her I grew up in Vancouver (just across the river) and had never been.

"You, Shelly, who loves books and reads like it's breathing, has never been to Powell's?"

I decided then and there that I needed to go the next time I was in town.  I texted my dad and he was on board.


All in all, I would say it was a successful trip.  I got a ridiculous stack of books (11 in total) and Jack bought a hat.  I got mostly Ann Patchett and Emily St. John Mandel books.  I fell in love with Ann after reading The Magician's Assistant, and I fell in love with Emily after listening to Station Eleven.  I also got a copy of This is How It Always Is, which was our book club pick for July, and one of my top books for 2018.

The Stack:
Commonwealth by Ann Patchett
The Patron Saint of Liars by Ann Patchett
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
Run by Ann Patchett
Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
The Lola Quartet by Emily St. John Mandel
Last Night in Montreal by Emily St. John Mandel
The Singer's Gun by Emily St. John Mandel

The boys accompanied my dad and I to Powell's after an obligatory visit to VooDoo donuts, and while they were amazingly patient, they were not as impressed as their mother by the bookstore that takes up an entire city block.

On another visit to Vancouver, I managed to sneak away with just Josh to visit Powell's late one night to get a couple of books on my list.  Something I love about Powell's is that in addition to new books, they have used books as well.  I can get so many books at such a savings!

On this trip I got:
 The "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" trilogy

as well as
The Witches of New York by Ami McKay (who wrote The Birth House, one of my all time favs)
& These Granite Islands by Sarah Stonich (which was recommended by goodreads)

It was so fun to peruse all the books with Josh (sans children),
but I'll be honest and tell you, someday I would like to go by myself because I could seriously spend hours there, and I feel bad making anyone wait for me.

Me & books... it's love.
sigh.

***

I am not the only book lover in the house (even if I am the only one who so thoroughly enjoys shopping for said books)... 
When I got out the Halloween decorations, I think the part that excited the kids most (more than the spiders or skeletons or even the candy collecting pumpkins we use for trick-or-treating) was being reunited with their spooky books.  They feel the same way at Thanksgiving and Christmas as well.  

It makes me happy to see these old friends out and to read them each night leading up to the big night.

It's a huge punishment in our house if you get sent to bed without getting to read.  The boys will cry and cry if they get that one.  They all love reading to Carly (and she loves it too!)

Carly asks anyone who comes over if they will read to her.  Lately it's been Uncle Samuel, and he always says yes.  She also asks Josh as soon as he comes home from work if he will read to her.  It makes my heart happy to be raising such avid little readers.

I also joined Book of the Month this year, and so far, I have ordered:

{June} The Book of Essie by Meghan Maclean Weir
{June} The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

{July} Goodbye, Vitamin by Rachel Khong
{July} Ghosted by Rosie Walsh

{August} A Mother's Reckoning by Sue Klebold
{August} Goodbye, Paris by Anstey Harris
{August} Not That I Could Tell by Jessica Strawser

{September} Cross Her Heart by Sarah Pinborough

{October} Winter In Paradise by Elin Hildebrand

I love Book of the Month because you get a brand new hardback book for only $14.99 and you can get additional books for only $9.99!  Getting that happy box every month brings me so much joy!!!

***

When I got home I promptly reorganized my bookshelves and it is making me ridiculously happy.  I guess summer can be over and fall & winter can come if I have my new cozy couch and these three shelves of great books to read!

My next reading related goal is to make my October & November "To Read" lists, so I have some goals in mind when it comes to reading for the next eight weeks. Hopefully I will get them written and posted during Blogtober!


***

10.01.2018

October Goals


 I have had the sudden realization that my birthday is in about six weeks.
I'll be turning thirty-six.  I kind of cannot believe that I will be thirty-six.

So far this year (since January) I have gotten on Prozac (an anti-depressant used to combat anxiety), started seeing a counselor (to learn strategies for living with stress & keeping my health worries at bay), began walking everyday (for both my mental and physical health) and tried meditating, as well as lost 33 pounds from eating healthier (real food, less processed junk & less sugar). 

This month I am wanting to give a little extra punch to my normal routine of counseling, walking & eating right, so I'm adding on a few goals.  To get myself ready for the big THREE-SIX.

1) No Social Media
You know when you hear something over and over (and over) again and you think, "Okay God. I hear you!"!?!
Well that was me about social media the last two weeks.  I found myself continuously thinking about how much time I was wasting on my phone, how distracted I was as a mother & wife, and how I wasn't getting done the things I wanted to be spending my time on. (ie home projects, blogging and reading books)
Then I listened to this podcast with Jen Hatmaker and Glennon Doyle, and that was a final straw.  I was done.  I deleted Facebook and Instagram off my phone, and the weirdest thing happened, you guys.
I felt FREE. Just, free.  Like, untethered.  Set loose.  It's been the most bizarre feeling.  I thought I would miss it, or ache for it, or pine for it. But I don't.  I just feel like I'm suddenly allowed to live. Really live.
The goal is to continue with none for the rest of October and then reassess at the end of the month and go from there.

2) Push Up Challenge
While I am super happy with how strong my body is now, and how I have shrunk since January, I would like to tighten my arms up, so I am going to do a daily push up challenge.
I started today with 10 push ups and I will do 1 additional push up each day through the end of the month. I sure hope I can do that many by the end of the month. Hah!!!

3) Blogtober
One time, when we lived in Alaska, I participated in a monthlong blog challenge called "Blogtober", where we blogged everyday in the month of October.  I remember really enjoying it, and getting caught up on all the drafts in my dashboard, so I am going to do the same thing this month.  It'll be the perfect opportunity to catch up on all the fun events I missed blogging over summer, and I think it'll be a really fun creative outlet since I've stepped away from Instagram and Facebook where I usually post daily thoughts & pictures.

***

A fresh month just feels like a great time to make a list of goals and try to make them come true.  Also, October is notoriously hard for me because October is when I miscarried for the first time back in 2014, and it's like my body knows, so I get kind of down.  I have found having goals and shaking things up a bit tends to help me.

*

And in case my list of goals, idyllic picture with my daughter or the fact that I am going off social media is making you feel bad about yourself, here's an outtake from our photo shoot.

That is my actual face (please double click on it. I'll wait...) while screaming "Jack Sawyer" because he was throwing his little brother down in the wet grass in his fancy "picture" clothes while I was doing pictures with his sister further up the path.

Oh parenting. You just never get dull. ;)