my journey...

Lately I have been thinking about my journey to motherhood. Well, really to where I am today. I feel like we were waiting for these little boys forever. I have been waiting to have a baby since I myself was a baby practically! Really, though, Josh and I chose to wait nearly five years to try for a baby. When we did try, we got pregnant right away. Then we spent 37 weeks waiting for the babies to arrive. And on their birthday we spent five hours waiting for their birth to take place -from the time the doctor scheduled the OR to the time we went in for my cesarean.

It was worth all the waiting to lay my eyes on my beautiful boys. Josh & I have a solid foundation under us (a blessing for sure with all the stress we have faced parenting two at once!), and we are older & {hopefully} a little wiser!

{Nanny & Jack}
Once they arrived, their schedule became my schedule. Their needs became my needs. Their demands became my duties. For the first year and a half this is how my life was.

Rockaway Beach, Oregon :: 6 weeks
{Jack, Mommy & Logan}
At the end of last summer when the boys were about 15 months they started sleeping consistently through the night, and my whole life changed. They were no longer drinking bottles, we were no longer washing bottles, they were no longer spitting up, and we were no longer going on little-to-no sleep. All of a sudden I had a chance to have my own life!

{Daddy & the boys}
This trend has continued... In the last two weeks I have: Organized my filing, which hadn't been done in over a year; scrapbooked; caught up my personal journal; and read a book for enjoyment. I feel like the boys schedule is a normal restraint in my life now. I feel like it's natural to wake up at 7am with them, to feed two babies every morning and to tote two toddlers with me everywhere I go. It's like I finally have a handle on this. Well, actually, it's not even that. It's more that I feel like everything has clicked. There are still days where this is hard, or even seems impossible, but that too is normal.

{Jack & Logan}
Two days ago I was looking at a friend from high school's blog. She recently had her second baby (in October, same as my sister) and Ooh-Eee, did she ever give me baby fever! Then I started looking back at pictures of the bubs when they were tiny & oh-so-precious {what a mistake!} and now the fever is in full force!

{Jack & Logan}
Looking back at the pictures also made me see just how identical they actually looked when they were little. To me, they always look so distinct, but when I look back at pictures from another time period I can see the similarities more clearly.
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Josh and I talk very honestly about when or if we are going to have another baby. We aren't sure on the timing just yet. We do know we want the boys to be more independent before we bring another baby on board. And we have talked about adopting, although it is so expensive we are not sure how we would travel that route. I really think if I get pregnant I will have another little boy. Our fear is that I would have twins again. We love the boys, but two more would bring our grand total to FOUR kids, and only TWO adults. Talk about outnumbered! I don't realistically think we would have twins again, although I dreamed a few months ago that I had triplet girls. Yikes!