red light/green light

So the twins have this nightlight that looks like a traffic signal. There is a red, a yellow and a green light. You can use the yellow for a nightlight, or you can use the red/green as a type of alarm clock for young children. 

We have it set so the light is red from bedtime (7pm) until our desired morning wake-up time (6:30am).  So at 6:30am, the red light clicks off, and the green light turns on.  This has worked for a majority of the time for a few years now.  But the last few weeks it seems to be working less and less.  

I guess I should preface this conversation with a few notes about sleeping arrangements here.  Josh and I share the master, which is upstairs, and all three boys share the second bedroom, also upstairs.  We use the third bedroom (located downstairs) as an extension of our living space-- as a playroom.  

The twins sleep in bunk beds (rotating who sleeps on top monthly) and Wyatt sleeps in a crib on the opposite wall.  We spent our summer like this, at Josh's parents house, and found we liked having all three together.  When we left Alaska in May, Wyatt had been sleeping in the "playroom" downstairs, but traversing the stairs so often in the night got old pretty quick.  We weren't comfortable moving the twins downstairs because of Jack's escape attempt last year.  So here we are, three little boys, four and under, in one room.

{He's so stinking cute taking pictures, it kills me!}

The trouble began two weeks ago when Wyatt started waking up three and four times a night, thanks to teething.  It created a bad habit of early waking, usually at 5am, and it's been downhill from there. Now we are back to sleeping through the night, but our morning wake up time has still been 5am.  I usually go in and lay Wyatt back down, and he'll sleep until 6:30am if his brothers are asleep.  But the last few days the twins have been awake with Wyatt at 5am.  And none of them will go back to sleep.  Such was the case today.

Logan is sick.  Like, really sick. Awful cough, horrible fever and a painful headache.  He needs more sleep right now, not less!  Luckily when I need to, I can lay the twins down for an afternoon nap, and they don't fight me on it. So Logan took a nap with Wyatt this afternoon. I hope it helps him start feeling better.

But for tomorrow, I am at a loss as to how to get them to sleep through until 6:30am.  I have bribed, threatened and begged.  And they are at the age where they know when they wake up and don't feel good, or are grouchy from being tired, and I make sure to point that out. "You're having trouble making good choices today because you are so tired.  That's why you should sleep until the light is green."  

Often their excuse is needing to use the bathroom, so I do know I need to better monitor their drink intake after 4pm... But I sometimes question the validity of their early morning bathroom needs, especially since some days they can hold it until 6:30am.  My not wanting them to get out of bed is two-fold.  I don't want them waking up the baby on their way out, and I don't want them coming into my room to wake me up.

I am hopeful that with the right rewards (or punishments) they will start respecting the clock again. I am such a better mommy when I can get six or seven hours in a row!  Which brings me to the other topic of interest this afternoon.  Babies.  Or a baby.

I have been thinking (daydreaming really) about our children, our family, our future.  I know I spent the majority of this post complaining about my early risers, but really, I am sleeping more now than I have in years.  And things during the day with my three sons is pretty manageable.  I am able to take care of their needs, the house and my own needs fairly easily.  It's a good place to be.

But it has me wondering if I am up for more.  Do I want more children? Do we want more children?  Right now, we have agreed that we are content, and the next Cunningham baby will be Josh's Master's Degree. It, too, will take nine months of blood, sweat and tears, and in the end voila! Josh will be a genius. (Or something like that!)

But we have talked about after that.  Later, when the boys are bigger, the degree is achieved and our time in rural Alaska is nearing its end... Maybe then we will have another baby.  After finally getting Wyatt weaned, working on giving up the binky and eventually potty training him, I wonder if I will want to go through it again.  If I will want to start all over.  And I start to think, no way. NO WAY!  I am good. I am great! These boys are amazing. They are healthy. They are funny. They are our family, and they are enough.

Then I open my March issue of Parents magazine and find this bleeping Easter dress ad for Gymboree 

and I am plagued with questioning.  

Will I really go through life without ever buying my daughter an Easter dress?
Can I do that?
Dare I get pregnant hoping for a girl?
...Only to have our fourth son?
Am I meant to have a daughter?
Will I have some kind of hole in my heart if I don't have a girl someday?

Each pregnancy, in the early stages when you don't yet know what you are carrying, I was certain it was a girl. Our baby girl, Bailey Kate, exists so wholly in my imagination. I spent months of my life with her.  Particularly during my first pregnancy when I had little else on my mind and no little ones demanding attention.

And so I ask, how do you know when you are done? How do you know when your family is complete?  I am lucky in that I am only thirty; Josh is open to the possibility of more; and I don't have to make any kind of decision any time soon.  But I enjoy thinking about it, and imagining all the possibilities.  Which include me one day dressing my daughter in an Easter dress from Gymboree.  It's possible.