wholeHEARTedly {self love}

Yesterday I got my twenty month old down from his high chair as he protested.  He had eaten his snack, and had drunk his milk.  But then... then he saw the cookies I had been making. And he wanted one.

I told him no, he couldn't have a cookie until after dinner.  I put him down and went about folding laundry in the living room.  Bustling about the house, all three boys were chasing soccer balls and squealing. It was a bit of happy chaos.  

A few minutes later, things had quieted down and Josh called me into the kitchen.  I peeked my head around the corner and there was Wyatt.  Proud owner of a fresh-baked peanut butter cookie.  He had carried the stool in from the playroom, placed it near the cooling rack, climbed up, grasped a delicious cookie in his sweet, pudgy fingers, fallen off the stool, got up, dusted himself off and began to enjoy the fruits of his labor.  

That cookie was hard won.

Today as I considered blogging about it, feeling a need to share these adorable pictures of my not-quite-two-year-olds' ingenuity, I thought what a beautiful metaphor his afternoon cookie escapades are for life.

Go after what you want. Go after it wholeheartedly. And don't look back. More importantly, don't apologize. I have been doing some reading about self love (over on Gala's blog) and one of the most brilliant pieces of advice she gave me was to not apologize.  She suggests we make a list of things we promise ourselves to not apologize for anymore.  So I made mine.

I won't apologize for:

• Being an open book
• "To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature.  I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart." -Charles Dickens
• Thinking I'm awesome cause...
• I'm an awesome WIFE: moving here, supporting him, loving him
• And an awesome MOTHER: doing my best, learning patience, loving them
• And an awesome WRITER: believing in it, making time for it, putting my heart in it 
• And an awesome TEACHER: planning for it, helping them learn, making it fun
• Loving my husband
• It's so much more socially acceptable to man-bash.  I will not partake. I respect my husband, I am thankful for him, and how he enriches my life.  He is my best friend, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
• Being content
• I do not want a career or to further my education.  I'm not apologizing for this anymore.
• Not going to church
• Been there, done that. 
• Loving my kids more than anyone else
• That doesn't mean I don't love other people.  Or that loving my kids means I love anyone else less... I just love my kids most.  That means I will fight for them. For their fair treatment, for their health, for their better futures.
• Being happy
• I am happy living here, in the middle of nowhere, raising my children like I always dreamed.  This isn't what I expected, but here I am blooming anyway.
• Thinking single parenting was the hardest thing I've ever done
• I think back to that time in my life almost every week.  It's good for me to look back and see how far I've come.  It makes me appreciate my co-parent and being together once again.

In addition to writing your "No Apology" list, she suggests you take pics of yourself, and don't apologize for that!  So here are some pictures Logan took of the baby and I last week. I was not going to use them because I am not wearing makeup, and am struggling to get my acne under control... but here they are nonetheless- this is me.

The last piece of advice I'd like to share is to pay as much attention to compliments as you do criticism.  This one is really hard for me, but if I am going to learn to love myself, the compliments people give me deserve as much time and thought as the hurtful things, right?!?

I mean, we spend hours trying to fix/figure out our flaws or what other people mean, like with the recent comment on my last blog post, but when someone tells us something wonderful, we brush it off or file it away. Why not stop and celebrate it?  This week I was told I am beautiful.  I was told I am a good mom.  I was told that I'm a lifesaver.  Those were all wonderful, kind words that people purposefully shared with me, and I deserve to dwell on them, just as I would anything negative someone said.

There is so much more to share about self love, the advice Gala gives, and what I'm working on to improve... But they will have to wait for another day. It's Sunday, and I wanna go hang out with those boys I love more than anyone else!!!