be inspired

"What good is the warmth of summer, 

without the cold of winter to give it sweetness?"

-John Steinbeck

On this day after Christmas, I can't help but feel a bit of post-holiday letdown.  The presents have been opened, the surprises given and the cookies eaten.  The air has been let out of my Christmas balloon, and I am left feeling a bit deflated.

So on this day when I struggle with the blues, I am trying to get motivated and inspired about what's to come in the New Year.  I have been thinking about the last year, from Christmas 2011 to Christmas 2012, and it has been a very adventurous year!  It began with the reuniting of our family last December, and ended with a humble Christmas celebration here in Marshall yesterday.

2012 began not with absolute resolutions, nothing written in my journal or jotted on a notepad, but rather it began with a promise in my heart to truly give Marshall a fair chance.  It began with resolve to make the best of a tough situation, and to embrace the unique challenges that life in rural Alaska provides.

"Man cannot discover new oceans 

unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."

-Andre Gide

That resolve has seen me through.  Here we are, nearly a year later, and we are planning on staying at least three more years in the bush.  And then, who knows.  Our future is wide open. And instead of scaring me, it excites me.  There has been talk since Thanksgiving of a fourth addition to our little Cunningham clan, and for the time being, those plans are on hold.  It excites me to know that our family could change again.  But that's about as far as we've gotten.  The timing isn't right, and won't be for about two more years.  So we will revisit it again then. 

In the meantime, I am content. 

I am content here in Marshall. 

I am content taking care of our boys. 

I am content making a home for all of us here.  

The future will keep coming at me, one day at a time, and I will take it as it comes.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles.

It empties today of its strength."

-Corrie Ten Boom

 Josh and I have also been talking a lot about our marriage. Its strengths and its weaknesses.  We have committed (funny enough, per Dr. Phil's suggestion) to making sure the first four minutes we spend together are happy and grateful.

We also try each day to do at least one small thing that makes the other person's life easier.  Refilling a water bottle, making dinner or doing the dishes for one another.  It's those little things that make us feel cared about. I am excited to continue these things into the new year.

 As we celebrated our first Christmas away from family, I found myself grateful for the simple things.  The cinnamon rolls I made with my mom's recipe; the daily messages I receive (even on Christmas!) from Julie; texts back and forth between my sister and I throughout the last few days.

We spent most of Christmas day watching Alaska: The Last Frontier (my new favorite show) while the twins played in the playroom with their new castles, and Wyatt pushed his baby stroller from one end of the house to another. This made me so happy.  

We stayed in jammies until after lunch, and took a million pictures.  We had a simple dinner and dessert, and once the kids were in bed, we enjoyed watching The Office, as we do every night, laughing at Michael's antics.

Today I woke up knowing this would be a tough day for me.  Knowing that it's going to be a long haul from now to May, when I will get to hug my sister, laugh with Julie and make lemon bars with my mom.  Taking it one day at a time will make it easier, as will finding things to look forward to.

So now the countdown is on to the end of the year. 2013 is upon us, and I have a feeling it's going to be a great year.  I am going to continue working with Wyatt on transitioning to one nap, learning to use his words instead of tantruming, and trying to stretch my mommy patience.  I am going to continue to do preschool with Logan & Jack everyday, expanding their knowledge, and I am going to continue to take care and teach.

"I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

We have exciting plans for New Years Eve, that include Chinese food Josh bought in the frozen section of Walmart when he was in Anchorage in October.  Usually we watch a movie and are in bed by ten o clock so we start the New Year well rested and able to greet our three early risers!

After spending 2011 waiting around for my "real life" to begin, I am joyful to be closing 2012 as a chapter full of real living.  Life right now is everything I dreamed it would be.  I am no longer holding my breath.  I am living.

And with the new year rapidly approaching, living means making resolutions (to journal, to work out, and to write) and making plans for a home organization overhaul.  Cleaning out closets, re-thinking storage and organizing the infamous junk drawer that lives (and grows!) in our kitchen.  It's these small things that make each day feel like an accomplishment and keeps the feelings of isolation & boredom that sometimes accompany life out here at bay.

I will close with my new (for the moment) favorite quote:

"You only live once, 

but if you do it right, 

once is enough."

-Mae West

Let's do it right!!!