Around Here: Week 24 {2018}

{The "amazing" (weed covered) side yard}

{hide & seek fingers}

Enjoying... an entire week to myself without the boys.  Josh took them with him to Vancouver to spend time with cousins and grandma's while he helps his parents prep their house to be put on the market.  They bought land here a year ago and hope to be moving here in the next month or two (eee! I'm so excited to have grandparents in town!) so Josh is helping them cross some things off their to-do list.  It's been the most amazing break, with insane amounts of down time to read and blog and rest, and my soul feels so peaceful right now, I can hardly believe it.

Seeing... all of life through Carly's eyes.  I didn't realize how much having four kids makes me rush ev.er.y.thing.  This week I have slowed down so much, and it's been so fun.  We've been "watering canning" together each night (watering the flower beds the sprinklers don't reach) and Carly loves it so much.  She delights in every bug she sees, every flower, every rock.  She just emanates joy, and it's completely contagious.  I hope to carry this slowed contentment forward, even after the boys return with Josh because it's so delicious.  Monday as I headed into the daunting side yard where there was a TON of weeding to do I was thinking a lot of swear words in my head as I heard Carly's adorable voice pronounce boisterously, "This is AMAZING!" She just sees the world so differently than me sometimes, and I'm so thankful for her tiny, rosy colored perspective.

Reading... and finishing Seizures and Epilepsy in Childhood: A Guide For Parents as well as Siblings Without Rivalry.  After finishing Seizures, I felt like I deserved a trophy.  It was a tough read, just emotionally because it had some things that were really hard to read and sometimes hard to understand.  But I walked away better understanding epilepsy and with some really good questions for Logan's follow up appointment at the end of the month.
Siblings Without Rivalry was the easiest read- I read a chapter each day this week, and loved it.  I feel completely confident that I will be able to make some headway with the boys' fighting when they get back and am actually hopeful that they may not kill each other before high school. Hah!  Highly recommend the book if your kids fighting is driving you batty!  (I have two that are like oil & water and they were making me dread summer like the plague!)
I am about halfway through Four Seasons in Rome which a friend of mine loaned me (before she even read it- best friend ever!) and am just starting I'll Be Your Blue Sky by Marisa de los Santos.  I was ecstatic this week when I found Molokai at Goodwill.  It's been on my Pinterest "To Read" list for years and then like magic, there it was, for $.99, on the shelf.  I can't wait to read it!  It's about a leprosy colony in Hawaii and sounds fascinating!  It makes me so happy that I am reading again.

Spending... time every afternoon sitting in the sun reading.  This time is priceless to me, and Carly is starting to get into the rhythm of our afternoon outside time.  She gets a snack and brings out a ton of toys, and I read while she plays this and that.  She usually also brings books and hearing her read them out loud to herself just slays me- is there anything cuter than a two year old reciting Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to herself? I think not!

Amazed... at what an awesome dad Josh is. I mean, I always knew it, but this week he is really proving it as Logan has had three seizures while in Vancouver.  The seizures he's having are the smaller ones, but he's having them at bedtime and he keeps getting out of bed while he's having them, then crashing into the wall and feeling crummy afterward, and Josh is just dealing with it so well, and making sure to report all the details to me (because I am keeping detailed notes for the doctor so we can keep her well informed of his status).  He stays so calm and keeps Logan feeling safe and calm as well, which does wonders for my mama heart.

Thankful... that Josh is also dealing well with Wyatt's asthma which is cropping up after he caught the cold the twins each had.  Thankfully we knew it was coming and started him on his preventative puffer (Flovent) 2x twice a day before his numbers got bad and so far he has been doing alright.  It just gives me such peace of mind to know that Josh is such a capable parent and that he's got this.  It lifts some of the weight on my shoulders to know that I don't carry the burden of our two sick children alone.

Meanwhile, I'm dealing... with a leaky washer & toddler tantrums.  I'm honestly not sure which is worse!  The washing machine guy can't come until Monday to look at it and the boys (and Josh) get back Saturday.  I'm just praying the towels load doesn't start to stink between now and then and that whatever is wrong is a quick fix!!!  As for Carly, teething her two year molars seems to be stealing all her kindness and it's killing me softly!  Any time I tell her no, she looks at me like, "Are you serious right now?" Then slowly lays down on the floor and begins yelling and kicking her feet.  VERY melodramatic.  Sigh. Oh sister! You're working it real good.

Walking... everyday and loving how alive it makes me feel.  I am super excited to keep up this new habit through the summer.  My friend Ashley had asked on her blog "What makes me feel alive?" and it made me ask myself the same question.  This was a few weeks ago, and I couldn't think of a single answer.  It bothered me I couldn't think of anything.  I have since thought of three things.  One is going for walks.  Another is being in nature.  And the last one is laughing with my friends & family.  I'm happy to be doing two of those things everyday.

Saying... goodbye to a friend who introduced me to my other friends (and my local book club!) and feeling so sad that she's moving away.  I know that it's what she wants and is going to be so good for her family, but I'm selfishly sad!

Treating... Carly to her first ever fudgsicle, which she adorably calls a "fudgefickle" & a spoonful of whip cream, which she ravaged.  She has since asked for a "fudgefickle" just about every hour, on the hour, and is extremely disappointed when the answer is no. (See "tantrums" above.)

Looking forward... to hugging my guys when they get home and celebrating Wyatt's seventh birthday. 

I can't believe this sweet, snuggly baby turns seven today!!!

***

Being Mom

Wyatt.

My heart.

This little guys has been putting me through some challenges parenting-wise.  He is a little over two and a half, and it shows. He has his own agenda, his own ideas and his own opinions. He wants to do things for himself, the way that he wants to, and heaven forbid anyone get in his way.

He does the full body tantrum, has it perfected, and will stop, make sure you're watching, and then resume full-on brat mode once he's certain he has your attention.  If the twins upset him, he will scream, his volume ear deafening, until the twins give in, or Josh and I intervene.

We're working really hard on getting him to use his words, and this week I've seen some definite improvement. Instead of screaming bloody murder, he will come find me to tell on his brothers.  He will also (instead of flailing on the floor) tell me the idea he had for how things were going to go.

Getting him to ask for what he wants has been key.

Changing our bedtime routine (details here) has been so good for both of us.  I miss rocking him like I did when he was a baby, but he's been great about putting himself to sleep.  And it's been nice to have Josh put him to bed occasionally.  

But regardless of him using his words and going to bed without a struggle, it's been a challenge to adjust from "Two kids and a baby" to "Three kids".  They team up against each other... They fight like gangbusters... They all want the same toy...  It's exhausting.  

Last time I talked to my grandpa he said it sounded like I needed a referee uniform.  Maybe he's right. Perhaps the boys would take me more seriously if I looked the part.

Luckily along with the challenges of him growing up (sharing with his brothers, using his words and understanding that he's not the boss!) there are some adorable things he now does.  

For instance, when there is a lag in conversation, or I just look at him instead of answering, he says, "Awkward!"  It's seriously hilarious!

His other new thing is to wipe my kisses off his face with his beloved taggie. He smiles evilly and says in a sing-song voice, "I wiped them off!" Then I tickle him, attack him with more kisses, and the cycle starts all over again.  It's adorable.

{Wyatt:: 10 weeks}

Wyatt is now the age the twins were when I quit my job. I can't believe that I worked so long when they were little.  I feel so blessed to have been home this whole time with Wyatt. To never have to leave him. To witness all his moments.  I particularly loved breastfeeding him, laying him down for every nap & bedtime, and enjoying post-nap snuggles for the last 2+ years.

{Summer 2011}

I realize now just what I missed with Jack & Logan, and I'll be honest, it breaks my heart a little bit. But life can't be lived backward, so I am just doing my best to enjoy right now. To make the most of today.  To write down the funny things they say, to read their favorite books (sometimes over and over again), and to let them be little.

{Fall 2011}

Today I am grateful for the gift of Stay-At-Home-Motherhood.  A gift that my loving husband gave me and continues to give me by working hard enough to provide for our family on his own.  He is so supportive of my role at home (both mother and homeschooler) and always does whatever he can to make my life easier.  

It's a beautiful thing, 

raising these boys, 

and even on the hard days, 

I feel so blessed to be doing it.

Road Trip :: Montana to Washington

The last leg of our journey was a long one, starting with Friday morning.

I was attempting to pack everything up for the 900 mile trek back to Washington from Montana, but our kids had other things in mind. Like fighting. And tantruming. And crying.

Holy awful.

Somehow I managed, while Josh had his final class at Rocky, to get us all packed up and the kids fed.

As soon as Josh got home we hit the road. 

Our goal was to drive until Josh couldn't continue on.

We made it through Montana fairly easily, stopping only for dinner.  My favorite part of the drive was passing the continental divide. You could see in all the rocks how the plates had run into one another. It was fascinating.

The boys were excited to play with their toys and watch more fresh movies.

We stopped for dinner in a tiny town called Alberton, Montana.  We ate at this quaint little cafe that had an ancient chocolate lab named Milk sleeping on the hardwood floor beneath our table.  The food was delicious and the kids loved the dog!

While Josh was gassing up the Pilot in Alberton after dinner, I stepped out of the car to snap some pictures, when a huge gust of wind swept down main street, giving me this hairdo!

After our stop the kids fell asleep and Josh and I enjoyed visiting in the quiet of the car.

Around tricities (in Eastern Washington) Josh decided he'd had enough driving.  So we pulled off to check into a hotel. But they were ALL booked.  We drove on to Boardman, and Umatilla... All booked.  Finally in the Dalles (only an hour and a half from home!!!) we found a hotel, at two in the morning, and settled in (grouchily) for the night. The twins went right down, but Wyatt was a wreck.  He screamed from two until about 3:30 when he finally passed out.  

We all slept until 8am and then bathed and slowly loaded the car to head home.

We arrived at my sister's house that afternoon and promptly laid down to take a nap, all five of us.

We were so happy to have that road trip tucked away in the memory books!

been a whirlwind...

In the week since I posted something, things have been moving at warp speed.  We packed up our rental in Vancouver, hosted a swim/pizza party for the twins (who filled their Kindness Jar!), had a few last "playdates" both for the boys and ourselves, and drove nearly 900 miles to where I sit in Billings, Montana.

The worst part, probably, was the sense of being overwhelmed both emotionally and physically.  I would stand in a room, looking at all that needed to be done (sorting: storage? shipping? luggage?) and break down in tears that I was even having to make those kind of choices because it meant one thing.

Leaving.

It didn't help that I was still in pain from my wisdom teeth (dang, those things are taking FOREVER to heal!) and I went and made my situation worse by quitting my vicodin-every-four-hours habit cold turkey.  Fourteen days after surgery I decided I had had enough of feeling nauseous, dizzy, tired & grumpy.  So I stopped, not knowing that vicodin withdrawal is just as bad or worse.

Whoops.

But somehow we managed to get it all done, and Saturday we hit the road headed for Montana.  We stopped first in Moses Lake, Washington which I will blog all about once we are settled.  Sunday we spent thirteen hours in the car driving from Eastern Washington to Montana.  

And now we are here, in the home of our friends Joe & Krista from Alaska.  Joe is already in Alaska, as he will be our Principal this year, but Krista and her four kids (ages 5, 4, and identical twins who are two) are here, as well as Josh's coworker (and my friend) Leah.  Josh, Leah & Joe are all enrolled at Rocky Mountain College for their Masters in Administration.  It's a one year program, that we are all really excited about.  There is a week of on-campus orientation and the rest is accomplished online.

With all this traveling and these huge transitions, the kids have been struggling.  Honestly, so have I.  One minute I can't wait to get to Alaska, and the next I am tearing up thinking of missing my nephew's birthdays in October and Saturday lunch dates with friends. 

There have been some massive tantrums.  The likes of which I have never seen. Especially out of this one, my sweet Jack.  Jack who is normally so reasonable.  Who can trade toys and be generous. Who shares all the time and loves to be my helper.  He has thrown grass-ripping, door slamming, toy throwing tantrums so intense that afterwards he is breathless and red from the effort.

Meanwhile the baby is choosing bedtime to express his worries.  He will scream and arch his back as I attempt to rock & sing to him.  I just hug him tight, whisper singing the words to him, until he collapses from the effort.  Then he starts talking. 

And talking.

And talking.

The first night it was, "Airplane rides kinda bumpy. Daddy keeps you safe.  Brave dragon.  Julie keeps me safe. Julie plays with me.  Michael took my dinosaur.  Where's Daddy? I don't like it." On and on, talking about traveling, being in the car, playing with his friends here, concerns over who he will see and not see in Alaska, and his disdain for Josh's absence each day while he is at school.  

My mama heart is breaking.

Today it was almost too much. Tantrum after tantrum. Reactions to things that were so minimal... I thought I was going to lose my  mind.  Finally in the afternoon I just set them loose in Krista's beautiful backyard, and I laid in the grass.  

Breathing.

I kept reminding myself to stay in this moment.  

To worry only about today.

But I will admit that thoughts of our return trip (another near thousand miles in the car with three children!?! No! No! No!), our final farewell to loved ones back home, and our four airplane rides to Marshall kept returning to the forefront of my mind.

I pray now that I can continue breathing, wearing patience like a cloak, and be the mommy these kids need right now. One who is understanding and fully available to them as they try to understand all these changes.

Together, I know we will get through it.