We Get To Be The Ones

After I had my first miscarriage, I flew home from Anchorage and embraced motherhood of our three boys like I never had before.  Bedtime in particular became sacred and I spent hours in their bedroom, snuggling them and singing all the songs on JJ Heller's "I Dream of You" album.  Many times I'd sing with tears in my eyes.

One song in particular ("I Get To Be The One") had lines that choked me up every time.
"How does someone so small

hold my heart so tightly?
I don't even know you,

I love you completely."

I would sing that, imagining our little baby flying up to heaven and wish so hard that the pregnancy had stuck.  

Fast forward a year and a half, and here I sit, nightly, with Carly in my arms, singing that same song to her and her brothers.  Only now the lyrics that get me are these ones:
"I get to be the one to hold your hand

I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones, I'll be there to watch you grow.
I get to be the one."

And that's exactly how I feel.  It is my total blessing to be the one who raises her, loves her and prepares her for this world. It is an awesome and beautiful responsibility and one I do not take lightly.  

I am giddy every morning to dress her, carefully choosing a coordinating outfit, and sometimes even a headband.  I love watching Josh and the boys with her, and am continually thinking of more things in the future that I have to look forward to. (ie pig tails; barbie dolls & pink Halloween costumes)

{Josh and Wyatt giving Carly her bath}
I love watching the boys be big brothers (again and for the first time).  I love watching them watch Josh as he fathers a newborn.  Bathing her, rocking her, changing her diapers.  They are so blessed to have such an amazing dad to one day emulate.

{One of two outfits I bought for her while I was pregnant}
She's still very alert, and loves to be sung to.

She sleeps a few longer stretches at night, although she doesn't love sleeping in her bassinet.  We'll have to work on that one!

Wyatt brought me the Ergo my cousin gave Carly (I've let the boys wear it around the house) and asked me to put her in it. He was pretty disappointed when I told him no, but decided his favorite stuffed bear would do the job.

He loves to hold her, and has read his favorite books to her a few times.

Jack is, hands down, the most in love with Carly.  He wants to hold her, feed her, carry her around.  I love how helpful he has been, and when he chose to read "The New Baby" to her? I melted into a mommy-love puddle.

Wyatt always wants to take her socks off and check out her piggies.  It's beyond precious.

This is another outfit I bought her while I was pregnant.  It might be my favorite of hers.  She's so snuggly in it!  

She seems like such a happy baby, always smiling and flirting with her eyes. 
We are all in love with her.

She was totally worth the wait and the heartbreak of those early miscarriages the year before last.  

We're all so happy we get to be the ones.



Kasey said...

She's beautiful.

Holly Parlier said...

You make me want to listen to JJ Heller (and I have never even heard of her -except through you!). Carly is just perfect. I thought of you a few days ago when Katherine and I were playing with her little people princesses. Such a simple pleasure after all those years of trucks and tractors ;) I hope your recovery is going well!!

Kimberly F said...

What a beautiful post! As a mom of 2 boys, all those girly outfits are giving me baby fever!!
So happy for you and your family! I hope Josh gets to stay home with you all for a long while!

Lauren said...

Congratulations on the birth of your little girl! I have been reading your blog for years but have only commented once or twice. I just had a baby girl 6 months ago and I understand some of that magical feeling you're describing. I just downloaded the JJ Heller album and want to recommend Moorea Malatt's album Whip it Out as something you might like. Looking forward to continuing to follow you and watching all four of your little people growing up together.