8.15.2013

home sweet home

 "Would she be able to bear leaving?  
She had no idea.  
It felt like this every time she left: like her heart was being ripped out."
-Chess Cousins 
{in The Island by Elin Hildebrand}


 The final night in Washington was full of emotions.  
Watching the cousins play together one last time, 
I couldn't help but have a lump in my throat.

 Then came the goodbyes.
For Papa from both.

 For Roxanne from Jack,

 and from Logan.

 For Papa from Wyatt,

 And for Roxanne from Wyatt.

Then they had to get some sleep.  
My alarm was set for 3:20am.  
I would be waking them at 4am.
---
 Tuesday morning we woke up and hit the ground running: 
showering, packing and checking my list.
The kids woke up surprisingly well.
I think they fed off our excitement/anticipation.

 Before we knew it, everyone was there-- my parents, Josh's sister Julie & nephew Ethan-- as well as my sister, to drive us to the airport.

 That morning, I had been keeping my emotions in check, until I read this post from my sister.  Then I let it all out.  I am going to miss her and her boys.  I am going to miss family parties.  I am going to miss driving, sunshine and grass.  I am going to miss restaurants, my parents, my best friend.  

 The weight of saying goodbye is almost too much.

 The only thing keeping me going was the thought that I would be home,  
in my own bed in Marshall, that night.

So we said our goodbyes, hugged one last time, tears streaming down my cheeks, and walked away from our loved ones.
---
We are blessed to say every single step in the process was smooth.  There has been nothing but goodness since we left Roxanne's house Tuesday morning.

We had a great customer service rep check us in, security went smoother than ever, and we made all of our flights on time the whole day. 

 The first flight, the twins sat side by side without a grown up. They were REALLY good, and I was a proud mama.

 Wyatt sat next to me, and was such a brave dragon.  The first flight (Portland to Seattle) was only 30 minutes.  In Seattle we met up with our friends Krista (plus her four kids-- Aaliyah, Michael, Khaila & Khasia) and Leah.  We managed to catch our flight to Anchorage, where all of our family slept.  

Our flight from Anchorage to Bethel was running late, thankfully, so we were able to grab a bite to eat.  There we ran into Peter, another teacher here in Marshall, and together we all rode to Bethel.  On the Bethel flight, our three boys sat in a row mid-flight so they could watch a movie together. Josh and I sat, side by side, holding hands.  It was so nice.  We are so thankful to have such awesome travelers. 

At the end of the third flight, Jack started to seem queasy, so he joined me once again, and we found some barf bags.  He never did throw up, and seemed relieved to be on solid ground again in Bethel.  Josh suggested, though, that we bring some bags just in case for the next flight.

Our longest wait was probably in Bethel, but this was good because all together (Josh & my family, Krista & her family, Leah, and Peter) had over twenty pieces of luggage to transfer from Alaska Airlines to ERA.  They are in two different buildings, about a six minute car ride, so we had to load everything onto the shuttle bus at Alaska Airlines and then unload it all at the ERA terminal.

We took a charter out from Bethel, which means instead of being on the evening flight with everyone else, we basically "rented" the plane.  So we let them know when we were ready, and (another blessing) they were ready to take us early.  

The day was, by far, the best traveling we have had.

The only hitch was that we flew really low in the caravan (small airplane that seats nine) to Marshall, which was AMAZING for visibility, but made for a pretty shaky flight.  Wyatt slept, thankfully, undisturbed. But Jack and I were feeling pretty nauseous. By the end of the flight, those barf bags we had stowed away came in handy as little Jack Jack lost his lunch.  Poor kid.

We landed in Marshall, a little before 3:00pm Alaska time, and I will admit, I teared up when I saw the school truck & van waiting for us.  

Home.
We were home.

On the drive from the airport to the teacher housing, Buster told us that three bears (two brown and one black) had been spotted this last week in and around Marshall.  He said not to leave the house for walking or berry picking without a gun.  That was an instant reality check-- "I don't think we're in civilization anymore, Toto!"

By 3:20pm, we were standing in our very own living room (surrounded by both luggage and boxes from the post office) breathing a sigh of relief.  We had made it.

Josh had his masters class, so he jumped over to the school with Joe & Leah, leaving me to mind the children and find something for dinner.  Both were easily managed, and by the time he got home, they were all in bed, exhausted as they were. 

We followed suit shortly, noting how bright it was outside our window, but falling asleep within minutes nonetheless, because we, too, were exhausted!
---
Wednesday Josh was off work, so he was able to be home with us, which was a pleasant surprise. We thought he went back Wednesday.  So when I woke up I started baking.  We left some staple items here, but bread and tortillas are an integral part of our meal plans, so I had to get them going.  I managed to make five loaves of bread, 24 rolls, and a pan of cinnamon rolls, and when Josh woke up, he took over making the tortillas, finishing with four dozen of them.

For lunch we had quesadillas, and the kids were THRILLED. It was adorable how much they loved and had missed them.

I had been worried about the transition from real milk to powdered, but not a one of them has complained.  And they are so excited for Daddy's Crunchy Macaroni, as well as his homemade pizzas.  I think we have all been craving routine, and we know that our life in Alaska provides just that.

Wednesday afternoon we went to the post office and the co op.  Everywhere we went, people were welcoming us back to the village.  It was wonderful.  On top of all the packages and mail we collected at the post office, the co op was chock full of wonderful goodies.  Carrots, tomatoes, bananas, avacados, cottage cheese, yogurt, string cheese & even eggs!  I was so grateful.

Today I made banana bread with my co op purchases, and again the house smells divine!  

{Oh, how I missed this view!!!}
Slowly we are unpacking and settling in.  Wyatt seems to be having the hardest time adjusting, especially today with Josh going back to work.  Lots of tantrums and misbehavior. So I am bathing myself in patience and trying to understand this is a lot for him.  The twins, on the other hand, have done really well, and are so happy to be reunited with all their toys.

This morning at breakfast, Jack said we should make a countdown chain, even if it has to go all over the ceiling, so we can go back home to Washington.  It was really sweet.  He knows we have to be here for a long time, but is excited for summer nonetheless.  The day before yesterday, Logan told me this summer was too short, but that next summer would be longer.  I am going to hold him to it!

Sad as I am that summer is over (it's even raining here, as if to make it final), I do feel ready for fall.  I feel ready to tackle homeschooling and ready to work on becoming the mom I want to be.  Who does fun things and isn't a yeller.  I am so happy to have you all along for the adventure.

You, my cheerleaders, who encourage and inspire, and even sometimes send me mail.  You put a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  Speaking of mail... would you believe I already got a care package?  Thanks, Mary!  You all are too good to me!

8.12.2013

Summertime

Where I live summertime means: 
camping, swimming, beach trips & bike rides.  
All the best things life has to offer.

My favorite spot in my {summer} house is: 
The living room.  
It's nice & cool and the boys love watching Netflix in the air conditioning!

I'm pretty proud of myself for: 
making the most of the summer; 
repacking so many times 
(for camping, visiting my grandparents, our road trip to Montana, 
and finally for our impending departure) 
and for taking so many pictures.

My favorite summertime treat: 
Normally I would say strawberry shortcake. 
But this summer it was a brownie treat Josh's sister made me.  
It was delicious COLD or *warmed up* in the microwave. 
Oh-so-good!

I am inspired by: 
New books, good quotes & beautiful things.

5 words that best describe me:
Organized
Worried
Educated
Friendly
Creative

One thing every room in your house should have:
A clock.

The best thing about being a blogger:
I love sharing stories with others.  
Particularly with other moms.  
I love the feeling of connecting with others through like experiences.  

And for my own sake, I love having the blog to look back on.  So much of motherhood is a blur, it's nice to be able to click on a month (say August 2009) and see what life was like during that time.

Questions courtesy of:

8.10.2013

sense of peace

 Tonight, after a long, long journey, I am feeling at peace.  Our three boys are sleeping in my sister's baby's room where we are staying;  Josh is out with his dad and brother; and I am uploading pictures from the summer onto the blog for later posts.  I can't wait to share them with you.

 Meanwhile, I am mentally preparing for our departure.  We spent the last week in Montana, arrived back in Washington this morning, will shop & pack tomorrow, have our farewell on Monday, and begin our journey back to Alaska early Tuesday morning.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself week before last.  I was crying every day about missing my loved ones and being so far away in Alaska.  Then God, as He always does, reminded me that living in Washington, for us, meant my working.  Living in Washington, for us, meant being broke and not living up to our standards.

Alaska is a choice. A hard one.  
...but the right one.

In Alaska, I am able to be the mom I want to be. 

I am able to be home full time.  I don't have to leave them.
I am able to homeschool them, which is my heart's desire.
I am able to be a homemaker, and a committed wife.

Being in Alaska, while challenging and heartbreaking at times, is exactly where God wants me to be.  And knowing that, brings me a great sense of peace.


"For I know the plans I have you," declares the Lord, 
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  
Plans for hope and a good future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

8.08.2013

A Decade of Marriage

It began when we were sixteen & seventeen years old.
Two high schoolers with the world at our fingertips.

I knew, within a month of meeting him, that I would marry him.
He was my other half.

So August 8, 2002, when he proposed after two years of dating, I said "Yes."

And one year after that, August 8, 2003, I said "I do."
---
We have made it through some rough patches.

College. 
Unemployment.
Moving.
Pregnancy Pregnancies.
Infant twins.
Relocating to rural Alaska.

...things like that.


Yet here we are, ten years, four degrees and three babies later, better than ever.
We live a charmed life.















Our secret? Laughter.
Just when it's getting crazy with work, the house, the kids... we laugh.
I have Josh to thank for that.
He is my laughter.

"In the sweetness of friendship,
let there be laughter,
and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds its morning,
and is refreshed."
-Kahlil Gibran

8.07.2013

been a whirlwind...

In the week since I posted something, things have been moving at warp speed.  We packed up our rental in Vancouver, hosted a swim/pizza party for the twins (who filled their Kindness Jar!), had a few last "playdates" both for the boys and ourselves, and drove nearly 900 miles to where I sit in Billings, Montana.

The worst part, probably, was the sense of being overwhelmed both emotionally and physically.  I would stand in a room, looking at all that needed to be done (sorting: storage? shipping? luggage?) and break down in tears that I was even having to make those kind of choices because it meant one thing.
Leaving.

It didn't help that I was still in pain from my wisdom teeth (dang, those things are taking FOREVER to heal!) and I went and made my situation worse by quitting my vicodin-every-four-hours habit cold turkey.  Fourteen days after surgery I decided I had had enough of feeling nauseous, dizzy, tired & grumpy.  So I stopped, not knowing that vicodin withdrawal is just as bad or worse.
Whoops.

But somehow we managed to get it all done, and Saturday we hit the road headed for Montana.  We stopped first in Moses Lake, Washington which I will blog all about once we are settled.  Sunday we spent thirteen hours in the car driving from Eastern Washington to Montana.  
And now we are here, in the home of our friends Joe & Krista from Alaska.  Joe is already in Alaska, as he will be our Principal this year, but Krista and her four kids (ages 5, 4, and identical twins who are two) are here, as well as Josh's coworker (and my friend) Leah.  Josh, Leah & Joe are all enrolled at Rocky Mountain College for their Masters in Administration.  It's a one year program, that we are all really excited about.  There is a week of on-campus orientation and the rest is accomplished online.

With all this traveling and these huge transitions, the kids have been struggling.  Honestly, so have I.  One minute I can't wait to get to Alaska, and the next I am tearing up thinking of missing my nephew's birthdays in October and Saturday lunch dates with friends. 

There have been some massive tantrums.  The likes of which I have never seen. Especially out of this one, my sweet Jack.  Jack who is normally so reasonable.  Who can trade toys and be generous. Who shares all the time and loves to be my helper.  He has thrown grass-ripping, door slamming, toy throwing tantrums so intense that afterwards he is breathless and red from the effort.

Meanwhile the baby is choosing bedtime to express his worries.  He will scream and arch his back as I attempt to rock & sing to him.  I just hug him tight, whisper singing the words to him, until he collapses from the effort.  Then he starts talking. 
And talking.
And talking.
The first night it was, "Airplane rides kinda bumpy. Daddy keeps you safe.  Brave dragon.  Julie keeps me safe. Julie plays with me.  Michael took my dinosaur.  Where's Daddy? I don't like it." On and on, talking about traveling, being in the car, playing with his friends here, concerns over who he will see and not see in Alaska, and his disdain for Josh's absence each day while he is at school.  
My mama heart is breaking.

Today it was almost too much. Tantrum after tantrum. Reactions to things that were so minimal... I thought I was going to lose my  mind.  Finally in the afternoon I just set them loose in Krista's beautiful backyard, and I laid in the grass.  
Breathing.

I kept reminding myself to stay in this moment.  
To worry only about today.

But I will admit that thoughts of our return trip (another near thousand miles in the car with three children!?! No! No! No!), our final farewell to loved ones back home, and our four airplane rides to Marshall kept returning to the forefront of my mind.

I pray now that I can continue breathing, wearing patience like a cloak, and be the mommy these kids need right now. One who is understanding and fully available to them as they try to understand all these changes.

Together, I know we will get through it.

8.02.2013

party time!!!

Sometimes... you gotta let loose.
Sometimes... you need a little Jack.

Last weekend my aunt initiated a dinner party.  After lots of ideas being tossed around, we finally settled on a lasagna dinner with the kids, and then adult time (later, after bedtime) without the kids.

My cousin Savanna watched our boys as they slept at our house, 
while we snuck back to my sisters' house for some fun!!!

Which included my first shot (ever) of Jack Daniel's. 
Umm, yuck!
I'll stick to my Kahlua, thankyouverymuch!

It was a great night, with lots of laughter and inspiring talk of following dreams even if it means leaving family behind. My aunt's daughter, my cousin Alix, is currently stationed in England with the Air Force; and my sister's husband, Blake spent four years in the Marine Corps-- so these ladies know what it is to be separated from loved ones.  {I might know a thing or two about it as well!}  It was great to talk about our different experiences and be there for each other.  It's a night I will cherish & remember forever.
~

8.01.2013

the power of the mom


I was reading an article about how to be a great wife {found here} and found that instead, one part in particular, spoke to me about how to be a great mother.  Particularly a great stay-at-home mother.

The author talks about how to set the tone for your house, and uses scripture to back his position.  The verse he quotes spoke right to my heart.  I was meant to hear it, I'm sure.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness."  
-Proverbs 31: 25-27

I am going to make this my quote for the year.  
I am going to pull inspiration from it and do my best to follow its advice.

-I AM GOING TO "WEAR" DIGNITY & STRENGTH
I am going to be sure of myself and my decisions.  I am going to trust that Josh and I know what is best for our family, and act accordingly.

-I AM GOING TO "LAUGH WITHOUT FEAR OF THE FUTURE"
Or at least, I am going to try.  I tend to be a worrier, and live in constant fear that Josh, myself or one of the kids is going to die.  This year, I would instead like to trust.  I would like to trust that God has carried us this far, and He will continue to do so.

-I AM GOING TO (ATTEMPT TO) BE WISE AND INSTRUCT MY CHILDREN WITH KINDNESS 
This is something I am really working on.  
This will go hand in hand with my No Yelling goal.  
I want to be an example to them.

-I AM GOING TO WATCH EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSEHOLD,
AND WORK HARD AT THIS JOB I AM SO BLESSED TO HOLD

I was visiting with a friend the other night, one whom I only got to see once while home, and I am amazed at how even though we only got to be together for a few short hours at a party, he managed to leave such an impact on my heart.

He was telling me about a discussion he had with his teenage daughter.  He had sat down with her for a moment to remind her (kindly, gently) that she is lucky to live the life she does.  "You live a charmed life," he told her.  "You are a blessed girl," he reminded softly.  

As he told the story of his parenting, not with yelling or finger pointing, but with easy reminders that others have it harder, I was deeply moved.  He could very well have had that conversation with me the last few weeks.  I have been on the pity pot big time.  Having surgery, not feeling well, the work of packing and raising the kids all at the same time...  Lots, it seemed, to complain about.

And yet...

And yet, I am blessed. I live a charmed life.

I have three beautiful children, who are healthy.
I have a husband who loves me like no one on this planet.
I have parents who support me and are there when I need them,
and I have sisters (yes, Julie, I count you, too!) who are my very breath.
I live a charmed life.

And with this beautiful reminder of the life I am so blessed to live, comes gratitude.  Gratitude for my position as homemaker.  And resolution.  Resolution to do it even better this year.

Join me.  Join me in making a little goal for yourself.  
Smiling when you wake up instead of frowning.  
Breathing when the kids drive you batty instead of yelling.  
Hugging your husband when he walks in the front door instead of ignoring his arrival.  
Choose one small thing you can do in your everyday life to improve the "tone" of your household.  

That, my friends, is the power of the mom.
And it's an awesome one.
Let's not waste it.