Around Here: Week Seven {2018}

{"No one except mom"}

{2003... When it all began...}

Finding out... Logan has a concussion from his fall last weekend.  So we've had to try to keep him laying low this week as he is recovering.  In addition to a concussion that's left him with a pretty bad headache off and on, he's adjusting to a medication increase for his seizures, so he's also been extra tired and dizzy.  We're hopeful that next week he'll take a turn and start feeling more like himself.
In terms of additional seizure activity, he did have one absent seizure this week, on Sunday, where he couldn't answer me for about twenty seconds.  Afterwards he was really sleepy and passed out for about two hours.  He went back to school Wednesday following the concussion & doctor appointments and has been feeling a little better each day since then.

Waking up.... to surprise snow on Valentine's Day.  We got about three inches, and the kids were overjoyed!  We had two hour late start and got the chance to play out in it before heading to school.  It has since melted and Wyatt is heartbroken.

Celebrating... Valentine's Day in all the ways.  Josh got me flowers, yellow roses, which are my favorite. My mom surprised the kids by sending a box of goodies for them (and me)!  In the afternoon, Carly and I joined Wyatt's classroom for his party.  It was so much fun.  His little classmates are the sweetest.  The whole day just had me feeling so thankful for my loved ones, near and far.

Loving... that I am still one of Wyatt's favorite people.  In the last two months, I have definitely lost my cool factor with Logan and Jack (unless I have Carly with me, then I am still allowed to hang around) so it's really nice that Wyatt still wants to be with me.  He drew a picture with chalk in the driveway of me in the sunshine and then wrote that no one was allowed except mom. Sigh. Love that kid!

Reading... all the books to Carly.  Especially Mr. Panda books and The Quiet Book.  Thank goodness she has three brothers who can read as well!

I'm still working on three books myself.  Phantom Illness (about hypochondria) is going well.  Lots of insight.  It's hard to read at times, but I know it's important that I get a grip on what's going on with me so I can better handle those episodes when they happen. I'm about halfway through Happier at Home for The Inspired Readers Book Club.  We are all finding ourselves inspired to organize our lives; be better wives & mothers; and pursue happiness on purpose.  It's very exciting!  And lastly, I am listening to Purple Hibiscus which is very captivating. 
I need to wrap these three up so I can get started on the The Five Love Languages for my local book club and I also chose The Immortalists for The Inspired Readers' Book Club for March which I am super excited about as well! 
Oh! And! Today when I got the mail, my mom had sent me The Great Alone. Gah! Talk about GOOD MAIL!!!

 So much to read, so little time!

Waving... goodbye to Carly as she departs for Grandma's Carol's house.  She got all loaded up in her Little Tykes car and told me she was off for Vancouver to see Grandma.  She's so cute!

Feeling... more and more like myself after last week's hypochondria episode and subsequent anxiety.  I'm still a bit shaky (especially in the mornings), and not quite 100%, but I'm so much better, and so, so grateful. Feeling normal after feeling so off feels like the biggest blessing ever!

Enjoying... how helpful the big boys are these days.  On mornings when we're running late or I have a lot to do, it's awesome that they can load the dishwasher, fold a load of laundry or make lunches. I love that they have the ability now to lighten my load.

Watching... Wyatt stress over the sweet new girl in his class (who I believe is from Honduras) who doesn't speak any English. He is obsessing over learning Spanish now so he can communicate with her.  He is just such a tender heart.  So we've downloaded a Spanish app and each day he's doing lessons so he can start learning Spanish and communicate with her.

Sending... the boys off to school today with Josh for Donuts with Dads.  They had so much fun! I'm glad he was able to go.  Our boys are so lucky to have him.

***

Love From Nanny

My mom (whom the kids call Nanny) sent a box of gifts for the kids for Valentine's Day.  I took pictures as they opened their presents, and loved their faces.  Especially the twins!!  Logan got a beautiful gold ring that he loves.  He is super into jewelry right now.  He was so excited to wear it today.  Jack got a new watch that he was equally excited to wear today.

Wyatt got a word game that he loved and played for a long time yesterday afternoon.  Carly got a bath tub game called Pipes that she has yet to play with, but that looks super fun. I think all four kids will get a kick out of it!

Thanks for loving our kids so good, mom!

As a (huge!) surprise for me, my mom sent me this amazing rainbow stack of Fiestaware plates for Valentine's Day.  She's been slowly building my Fiestaware collection and I can't begin to tell you how happy the collection makes me when I open my cabinets everyday.

Thanks mom!

PS-

Thanks for the "sparkly hearts" outfit for Carly, Grandma Carol.

She told everyone she saw that her shirt had "sparkly hearts" that "Grandma" bought. 

It was adorable!

Love & Leaving

I find a lot of inspiration on Instagram these days and wanted to share a few of my recent favorites.  

I love this one because it's so true for me.  Living & raising our kids without Josh is hard. Very hard.  But being open about the challenges makes it so much easier to bear.

***

This sweet man's story had me crying like a baby.  

"I miss her most at night.  

We got in bed together at the same time every night."

That's the same as me & Josh, and going to bed without him feels so wrong.  It doesn't get easier.  I miss him every night.  I can't imagine missing him & knowing he was gone forever.  At least I know that sometime in the near future we will share a bed again.

What a beautiful love story this guy got to live out...

***

On Friday night I was in our room (which is off of the boys' bedroom) nursing Carly on the couch while Josh put the boys to bed for the last time.  He started with Wyatt, and as I heard him kneel on the floor next to Wyatt's bed, Wyatt said to him, "I'm sorry you have to go back to Alaska tomorrow." 

 ...And the tears started for this mama.  Josh said he was sorry, too.  Then Wyatt asked why Josh can't take Carly with him, and then said he wished I was the one going to Alaska instead of Josh.  He thought on this for a minute, then followed it with, "Actually, I wish  you'd both stay."

Josh's leaving (saying goodbye & preparing the kids for five more weeks without Daddy) this time was especially brutal, leaving us both in tears multiple times.  Let me tell you, I can handle myself being sad... but when Josh is sad? It slays me.  It's almost worse than when the kids are sad because nothing I can say lessens the pain.

When he finally got all three boys tucked in and down for the night, he retired to our room, where I was rocking Carly and said, "It's just not natural.  We're not this kind of family."  He's right.  We aren't built for living apart.  We do it, and to be honest, I think we do it well... but it's sure hard on the heart.  

 "I didn't want to kiss you goodbye, that was the trouble;  

I wanted to kiss you goodnight.  And there's a lot of difference."

-Ernest Hemingway

Hard as this is, little Carly is what makes it all worth it.  She is why we've had to spend this year apart.  Her safe arrival in our arms is the payoff for our hard work.  And as long as it might seem to get from now until May, it's just 13 weeks, and Josh will be home for one more quick visit in March.  So it feels quite doable.  

In the meantime, for February I have one focus: the kids.  Take care of them, homeschool them & get them to swim lessons.  That's it.  Come March, things will get crazier with baseball & t-ball, but for the next two weeks, I just have to take care of our four littles.  Everything else can wait.

{Photo Credit: Wyatt Cunningham}

{Photo Credit: Wyatt Cunningham}

They're pretty awesome, my kids, and they make my days full.   As I approach my stay-at-home-mom-anniversary, I find myself feeling so grateful that this is what I get to do. Yesterday, for example, Wyatt was going around taking pictures of things (his Legos, his sister...) with my Canon and I told him he was a very good photographer.  He stopped and asked, "What's a photographer? Someone who takes pictures that are very goodly?" 

Yes, yes indeed, Wyatt.  

Someone who takes pictures that are very goodly.

;)

And for Josh:

"... You never cross my mind,

Yeah, you stay there all the time."

-Dierks Bentley 

We love you and we miss you.  Happy Valentines Day, 

2,500 miles apart.  

Love,

Shelly, Logan, Jack, Wyatt & Carly

Made Of Love

There are three things in my life that are solely made of love.

Logan.

Jack.

& Wyatt.

Had things gone according to plan, there would have been another little Cunningham, also made of love, joining our crew this spring.  But alas, it was not meant to be.

But on this day when we celebrate love, those three little cherubs are proof that true love exists.  Proof that our love exists.

I love this man so much.  I love the way he knows me, cares for me, and supports me on this journey.  I am so grateful for the love that fills our home.  Love for mommy, love for daddy & love for brothers.

I love that our family is made of love.