Currently...

(Jack is SO good with Carly. He even holds her during school!)

Last week I organized homeschool stuff to kind of figure out where we're at and it turns out we will be done by the end of May.  I am so excited for the break.  And pretty pleased that despite several breaks (some for mental health & others for physical health) we will still finish up before June.

Homeschooling since adding #4 to our family has been really challenging.  We are definitely contemplating public school for all three boys next year (third grade for the twins & kindergarten for Wyatt), but a lot of our decision making will depend on where we end up living.  In the meantime, I am determined to finish out the year strong.

Carly has started crying when she needs to sleep.  Not so fun, but it makes her need for a nap obvious.  So I swaddle her and rock furiously until she passes out. I'm hoping this is just a phase!  It makes homeschooling a bit of a challenge if she needs to sleep while I'm teaching.

 We are full on into baseball season.  The twins are on a team together and Wyatt's on a team.  This means we have baseball at least four nights a week, sometimes five nights a week.  Luckily we all enjoy it, and I've made friends with moms on both teams, which makes it more fun for me!

That said, we're all really excited for Josh to get here so he can help out with running kids to games and practice and getting dinner on the table.

 Despite her day-time sleep-fighting, Carly's night sleep is still as awesome as ever. Currently she's sleeping 10:30 to 6:30.  Although last night she was up at 3:00 and ate a little.  But even when she wakes up, it's just to eat and she's right back to sleep.  The only downside to this long sleep is that she nurses a LOT in the morning and a LOT in the evening. But it's totally worth it!

 I have officially lost 15 pounds since starting Shakeology April 4th.  I've also lost 5 inches around my middle! And I'm in a size 14 jeans again!  I do a quick workout each day and drink a shake instead of having breakfast or a morning snack.   In my shake I usually put peanut butter, strawberries & a banana along with almond milk.  Super yummy!  Other than that, I'm just eating healthier and trying to keep my calories down & my activity up.  I feel great and am so happy to be heading in the other direction on the scale.

 Carly got a stuffed bear named Carly Bear from my aunt. Wyatt has taken her on his own and re-named her Elizabeth ("Isn't that a beautiful name, mom?" he asked) and has slept with her every night since Carly got her.  His favorite thing to do is put "Elizabeth" in all of Carly's baby things-- the bouncer, the swing and the car seat. It's so cute.

 ***

We are moving.
Our time in rural Alaska is up.

Here's what moving out of rural Alaska looks like:

{Our Household in its entirety}

{Our Sleep Number Bed, ready to ship}

{The boys' room in our Alaska house}

{Our bedroom in our Alaska house}

Last night Josh wrapped up packing all our earthly possessions into about twenty boxes and totes that will be shipped over the next two weeks.  When he sent me these pictures, I'll be honest. I started crying.  As much as I am ready for our next adventure, I am going to miss that house.  Those memories.  The people.  Seeing the house empty and those boxes stacked up, ready to go, makes it very real to me that we are done there.

I was determined to control the tailspin of emotions that started last night with those pictures, so when I woke up this morning I made plans for a smile-inducing happy morning.  Starting with snuggles from this little cuddle bug.

 Then an early trip to Safeway to get donuts for my crew.

 Good tunes on the radio in our van (which I am still loving!) and a super smiley selfie set us off on the right foot.

And when we got back from getting donuts, I caught this cutie sucking her fingers like my sister used to do.  So precious!

Then I cut myself some fresh lilacs from my mother-in-law's beautiful garden, and got out my first Inspired Readers Book Club read for May. (When I Found You by Catherine Ryan Hyde) I can't wait to start it this afternoon!

 We let the mess be in the boys' room, and enjoyed a lazy morning of cartoons & chocolate milk.

 Then I bathed this little doll and put on one of her summer rompers since it's supposed to be near ninety degrees today!  She smells so fresh & looks adorable!  Hello, baby thighs!

***

I am hopeful this next week (and the one that follows) fly right on by so that Daddy will be here.  I am more than ready to have a hand at dealing with these kiddos and I kinda miss having someone to talk to at night.

Love & Leaving

I find a lot of inspiration on Instagram these days and wanted to share a few of my recent favorites.  

I love this one because it's so true for me.  Living & raising our kids without Josh is hard. Very hard.  But being open about the challenges makes it so much easier to bear.

***

This sweet man's story had me crying like a baby.  

"I miss her most at night.  

We got in bed together at the same time every night."

That's the same as me & Josh, and going to bed without him feels so wrong.  It doesn't get easier.  I miss him every night.  I can't imagine missing him & knowing he was gone forever.  At least I know that sometime in the near future we will share a bed again.

What a beautiful love story this guy got to live out...

***

On Friday night I was in our room (which is off of the boys' bedroom) nursing Carly on the couch while Josh put the boys to bed for the last time.  He started with Wyatt, and as I heard him kneel on the floor next to Wyatt's bed, Wyatt said to him, "I'm sorry you have to go back to Alaska tomorrow." 

 ...And the tears started for this mama.  Josh said he was sorry, too.  Then Wyatt asked why Josh can't take Carly with him, and then said he wished I was the one going to Alaska instead of Josh.  He thought on this for a minute, then followed it with, "Actually, I wish  you'd both stay."

Josh's leaving (saying goodbye & preparing the kids for five more weeks without Daddy) this time was especially brutal, leaving us both in tears multiple times.  Let me tell you, I can handle myself being sad... but when Josh is sad? It slays me.  It's almost worse than when the kids are sad because nothing I can say lessens the pain.

When he finally got all three boys tucked in and down for the night, he retired to our room, where I was rocking Carly and said, "It's just not natural.  We're not this kind of family."  He's right.  We aren't built for living apart.  We do it, and to be honest, I think we do it well... but it's sure hard on the heart.  

 "I didn't want to kiss you goodbye, that was the trouble;  

I wanted to kiss you goodnight.  And there's a lot of difference."

-Ernest Hemingway

Hard as this is, little Carly is what makes it all worth it.  She is why we've had to spend this year apart.  Her safe arrival in our arms is the payoff for our hard work.  And as long as it might seem to get from now until May, it's just 13 weeks, and Josh will be home for one more quick visit in March.  So it feels quite doable.  

In the meantime, for February I have one focus: the kids.  Take care of them, homeschool them & get them to swim lessons.  That's it.  Come March, things will get crazier with baseball & t-ball, but for the next two weeks, I just have to take care of our four littles.  Everything else can wait.

{Photo Credit: Wyatt Cunningham}

{Photo Credit: Wyatt Cunningham}

They're pretty awesome, my kids, and they make my days full.   As I approach my stay-at-home-mom-anniversary, I find myself feeling so grateful that this is what I get to do. Yesterday, for example, Wyatt was going around taking pictures of things (his Legos, his sister...) with my Canon and I told him he was a very good photographer.  He stopped and asked, "What's a photographer? Someone who takes pictures that are very goodly?" 

Yes, yes indeed, Wyatt.  

Someone who takes pictures that are very goodly.

;)

And for Josh:

"... You never cross my mind,

Yeah, you stay there all the time."

-Dierks Bentley 

We love you and we miss you.  Happy Valentines Day, 

2,500 miles apart.  

Love,

Shelly, Logan, Jack, Wyatt & Carly